Missing out on my teenage dream.

The title is a bit presumptive. Presumptive in the sense that I am still a teenager so one might assert that a teenage dream is still possible but such claims are erroneous. I don't interact with people much, besides my family. It's hard for me to meet new people since I live in the middle of nowhere. All of my neighbors are quite old and there’s no one my age about. The closest commercial area is a twenty minute drive away. I ought to work on getting my license so that I can drive myself into town and try to meet people that way. As it currently stands however it's really difficult for me to get away from my house, so I stay cooped up in my room dreaming of a better life. 

I feel like I missed out on so much. I’ve really had trouble connecting with people my whole life. It's hard for me to make friends, let alone find someone to love me. It’s not that I’m unlikable per say, but I have trouble connecting with people so relationships always end up ‘amicable’ and nothing more. Totally luke-warm. Perhaps it's the way I style myself, or in my highschool days I should have conformed better to the cultural zeitgeist. 

My entire life has been luke-warm. Nothing interesting ever happens, I feel strangled by circumstance and find myself too destitute of passion to will myself into a better existence. In my youth it seemed that your teenage years were the precipice of existence. That when you were a teenager each action was a burst of greek firing, brimming with fury, passion, and meaning. I think that life has very little magic and mystery to it. Nothing ever happens. 

I’m not sure what to change to find love and adventure. I’m also not sure adventure is worth anything if you have to do it alone. I could totally transform my being, move mountains, and conquer galaxies but it means nothing without some who will hold me tenderly. The world and all its illusions pass, but love remains. Emotional conviction stirs my being, but the course my life has taken, whether my fault or not, has led me to a totally monotone existence.