working on a story based of tbp

Currently working on a 6 maybe 10-chapter story based on my chemical romance's the black parade, I'm trying to be original with it while still having some inspo and refs to tbp. I'm not going to make the story public but just some practice on writing. idk I have more pieces of writing and a lot of them r my chem inspired. But I just like including drama, blood, tragedy, emotion, and revenge in my stories a lot. If anyone has any suggestions on what I could add to this story or just in general to something like that it would be great. I'm going to share the first paragraph of it on here, it prob sucks to whoever is reading it so like please don't be rude about it bec I'm a middle-schooler and still learning how to do good writing, I think I write good enough tho bec I read loads of books with lots of dif themes. Anyways enough of that here's the first paragraph:

He held the nurse’s hand tightly, such a tight grip it almost hurt. But the nurse didn’t say anything, she just smiled weakly at him. The other nurses in the room were moving around and getting things ready, he had no idea what was happening, he was just so very scared. He wanted his aunt, he might just even say his mom despite not seeing her in over ten years. “Please” is all he could choke out, the nurse held his hand tightly, “Shhhh,” said the nurse soothingly. Everything was too bright, he felt like a little kid, he felt as if he were heavy with sleep but fought back against it. “Please, please,” he begged and choked around his words. He held on tighter, the nurse squeaked and he loosened his grip. “Don’t worry, after this, you won’t feel a thing. Here hold my hand.” said another nurse as she took the place of the other nurse, finally releasing her of the painful grip he had on her. “A-Are you sure?” he asked, choking around his words. He was so scared he held the other nurse's hand just as tight. “Yes, I’m sure and if it doesn't work, we’ll try again.” smiled the nurse. He felt a painful pinch at his inner elbow, then it disappeared. The painful pinch turned into a subtle pain he felt. After what felt like hours but was probably just half an hour, he started to feel better, he still felt bothered by the heavy sleep in his eyes and body. He didn’t know why but he fought it as best as he could not to fall asleep, when was the last time he properly slept? He didn’t know but he would catch up on sleeping as soon as he got home. More nurses came in and the nurse next to him held his hand tightly, his grip had gradually gotten looser. He exhaled, everything seemed light like he could drift into a peaceful sleep and get some good sleep in, his eyes slowly closed. But just as his eyes were about to close he snapped his eyes open again. He still held the nurse’s hand and didn’t plan to let go. He was quite sleepy but he was aware there were at least 4 nurses in the room with them. He slowly grew more tired and fought the sleep but it was impossible. It felt like being a child at a family party, falling asleep on the couch, and being carried to the car or your room. He slowly started to fill with sleep, he felt weak, and he needed sleep. As he gently drifted to sleep he felt a familiar hand at the opposite side, was it his aunt? It was most likely, that he was too tired to tell, likely though he would wake up and go home with his aunt and she would make tea for them. Tea sounded good now, though that’s for later. He heard a loud noise, presumably made by a human but he couldn’t tell, sleep took over him. The only thing he could hear was the loud annoying sound of a machine near him. It should have prevented him from falling asleep but he was just so tired he just wanted to sleep. So he closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, and fell into a much-needed sleep.

alr that's it goodbye who ever is reading this