I'm losing my mind

I'm actually like so madly in love but I really don't want anything to do with her she makes me miserable. Like bro what, this is confusing! I wouldn't hang out one-on-one with a person of the gender I'm openly into several times, and meet each other's parents, that's just me though. I overthink a lot though, so like ehhhh. But the good thing is that's why I want to start a band so I can emotion dump on people without feeling like I'm burdening them. BUT the bad thing is I don't know anybody who plays fucking drums aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.