I Was Looking For A Job And Then I Found A Job. I'm not miserable but I feel the same as before.

In October I dropped out of architecture school. Dont ask my why because I can't properly answer that question other then I knew I wasn't supposed to be there. It felt wrong, I was an impostor, there for the wrong reasons, listening to everyone talk I could feel it and I knew it. This feeling however translated over to me citing many different (none really true) reasons for me leaving. 

It ended how it began. The idea to study architecture had just come into my head one day, I dont remember when and I won't know why. I have some ideas of why, but I can never be sure. I've settled on the prestige aspect of it, the fact it is based a lot on maths and that some parts of my family are architects. I always knew I wanted to do political science though. Was it my subconscious forcing me into taking a year of rest? (A year of relaxation even...) All this to say that my trip in architecture school ended on a random day. I finished up my work and decided to check the process for dropping out. So, I pop by the office and ask how I would go about dropping out. It all turns out very simple, I just had to talk to a lady, give my name and class then it was all sorted out. It was done and dusted before I had realised the process had started.

I went back to the studio the next day, to break the news to my semester partner. I really hoped I wasn't putting them into shit, although some other girl had dropped out barely a few days before leaving her partner very much alone. She had been much less courteous than me. I called him out to talk to him. It felt very much like a breakup. Once I told him about my dropping out, I let myself slag his attitude off a little bit. This little bourgeois boy who used to study international relations made up some bullshit about working on it. We laughed a bit. I spent the whole rest of my day finishing up tasks, so I left a minimal amount of extra work for him and to make the transition as smooth as possible. 

My partner had never been very nice to be around. The kind of person to make you feel like shit for having an off day, some might think he was right to boss me around and talk shit about me for not working seeing as I did end up dropping out. I would say to the contrary, that I busted my balls in that studio and was giving it my all for the whole time I was there. This man had started slagging me off for my work ethic at about lunch time on the first day, I had only just met him at that time and we had just been designated partners. What did he know about my work ethic at this point ? Not much I can tell you that.

Then began the job hunting. My heart really wasn't in it. I told everyone it was though, I told people I had job opportunities lined up. Well paid ones at that. The sort of job to make a young student's mouth like mine water ! Never found one though not until January, that is to say this January. I work at the local markets selling fresh fruits and vegetables for a local eco farm. It doesn't pay great, the hours arent very high but they are very early in the morning and the people I'm with dont seem to be super interesting, but I'm managing and it's going to pay for my holidays.