peer pressure

when i was younger and adults told me to not fall for peer pressure and do things i didn't wanna do it was always about drug & alcohol abuse. nowadays, i drink sometimes and i've always been confident enough to let people know i don't do drugs - especially since people at my school don't really judge others for not doing that kind of stuff.

however, i wish somebody would've told me the pressure that's put onto girls my age to be judgemental. i could never tell them, but i hate when my friends talk bad about everyone and everything. what's worse is that i nod along with them and i hate myself for that. of course, i don't think my friends are bad people since we're all growing up and maturing right now but life just feels really sickening now.

for example, i'm definitely a feminist. i could care less if girls in general or my age are sexually active. the only thing that would concern me is if she's using sex as a coping mechanism or isn't doing it safely because i would never want a girl to be harmed like that. however, i always comply with what people around me say about girls in my grade. you don't like a girl? whore. she's had sex once? whore. she wears low cut tops? whore. i feel gross just typing and admitting that i don't stand up for girls when they're being talked about like this.

of course, ive made other friends - even ones that have very similar beliefs to me. but no matter what, i can never escape people talking horribly about others constantly either for their own entertainment or for their ego.

i'm not sure why i decided to type this but i guess i don't think it's talked about enough and i wish more people my age were less judgemental. of course, you're free to judge me for never saying anything to people who talk like this, but i always feel like when i don't i'm seen as abnormal and a goody-two-shoes.

weird 5 month update but i smoke weed now