Vent :(

I am literally so stressed out about the future. Overthinking am I right? So there is this college that I want to go to. It’s SVA in NYC. What I want to do there is animation! I absolutely love animation. But the thing is, I don’t want to make a film. Cause that’s what you have to do if you have a degree in animation right?? You have to make some kind of animated movie or show! No, I don’t want to do that. I want to be a YouTube animator. I want to post content on YouTube and make money out of it. But I feel like if I tell people that, they will think it’s stupid. They would think that it’s not a real job. Is it a real job? I’m not even sure myself!! I just want to post story time animations like Jaiden Animations and the other YouTube animators. TheOdds1Out is a YouTube animator, but now he has his own show on Netflix. Which is stressing me out even more because now i’m back to thinking that you need to animate a show/movie if you have an animation degree!

Another problem. How do you get money? I know that you have to EARN it… but how do you receive it? I keep telling myself that I would know in the future, but it’s still stressing me out. If you’re going to make money, you’re going to need a job. How do you even get a job? If you’re an animator, do you have to work with other people? I don’t wanna work with other people… in person. Maybe online? I just want to feel safe in my own house while working. I just can’t stand the thought of being in an office with other people. But I know that I will be sick of staying at home. So maybe an office wouldn’t be that bad? Just please don’t be so crowded… Oh my god I hate social anxiety so much.

The transportation. Are the dorms in the college? Or outside? If it’s outside, how far is it from the school? Food? What about food? I will need money for food. Will I need a part time job when studying at SVA? Will there be anything fun to do around? Like shops, parks, or arcades? What is a good hangout spot? Hangout. I need friends in order to do that. FRIENDS. NOOOFJKASDK I NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS TO KEEP ME SANE. UGH I NEED TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE TO MAKE FRIENDS!!! But friends are fun…Can’t be that hard to make at least one friend right? But I’m awkward. I can’t even say hello to someone without avoiding eye contact.

Last thing, the students and teachers. I know how whiney I will seem when I type this, but will they be mean to me? I know the world isn’t perfect, but I cannot go to a school that is filled with people who just wanna ruin your whole day. I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I did something embarrassing and everyone’s eyes will be on me. I watched a video on the SVA classrooms for animation and oh lord it is small and cramped. It looks so sad too. I know the environment will get heavy very often, for me at least. I can’t deal with that. I know I will get overstimulated a lot at my time at SVA. Are the teachers rude? I read on reddit that this person had one teacher to critic their artworks. The teacher will line up every students art piece and look over it. If the teacher steht like it, they would drop it. If they really didn’t like it, they would stomp on it until it is destroyed. I don’t know about you, but I would cry right there.

What will I do and where will I go when I graduate? I mean, my two friends and I have decided to live together in one house. But what if plans change? I hope they don’t.

Yeah. I’m not going to make it in life.