Rant

Sometimes I wonder if it was true when you told me if you had to choose between me and your family you would choose me I mean you couldn’t even choose me between your cousin would you be able to with your own parents maybe it was to much to ask for during that time or maybe it’s to much to ask for right now and maybe it will always be I can’t help but think you’ll waiver that your resolve just isn’t strong enough and I know that perfectly reasonable but it still hurts I don’t want you to have to choose because even for me your family has become mine I’d hate to see you forsake them over me but I can’t help but Ignore that thought of you doing so. where will we be in 10 years will I still just be your friend will our love always have to be hidden. will my love for you continue to put you in tight situations will I one day lose my resolve and give up it’s a thing I couldn’t phantom Me doing but will I be the same me in 10 years it’s all so unfair the life I envision for us has so many things making it harder for us I knew what I signed up for but I can’t help but worry.what will I do if you’re found out and punished for it what can I do should I leave to keep you safe but break you’re heart or should I stay knowing that I am causing you suffering idk it’s all so many thing to think about but that’s for future me