ℌ𝔬𝔴 𝔱𝔬 𝔫𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔭 𝔴𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤

You are in a situation where your life begins to lose meaning. You start to see cloudy and you don't recognize your family's face. You feel lost and have no idea what to do. It's not like you have any urgent problem, or at least a serious one. But that automatically becomes the problem. The days go by and you feel exactly the same as you did last year. You've changed your hair and your style of dress, but deep down you're still that guy who's unable to think about the future while sitting on a couch while having a drink. ''I just want to have an entertaining life like everyone else,'' you think. Has your life become an endless routine and this is all that's left of you? You want to run away and get to a very far away place, with many colors that make you feel new, so new that you are not able to remember your ''old self'', so you would not know how to go back either. ''Wake up'' your head screams. You've woken up from that dream in which, strangely, your life felt alive again. Do you want to feel something, you need to return to life like the one you were in in that dream, or nightmare? You head to the bathroom; a very white place where you have no responsibilities. Every time you enter, you stop being human, but your goal in it is to feel like one again. You take apart an epilator and run the razor over different parts of your skin. While you see the blood flowing, you think: ''I'm alive, am I alive?'' It really hurts a lot and the bright red of your blood makes your pupils dilate. You feel satisfied, each time the ground becomes more and more covered in red. It seems like you're filling this dead room with some life. But like everything, that bright red blood will turn brown and smell bad over time. You are about to lose consciousness, you have emptied too much of yourself, so carefully, you begin to stop. You dissociate for a while and then try to get up. THE bathroom is a mess, but since you live alone, you leave it like that and go back to your room feeling a huge emptiness. You start writing to absolutely no one about how you feel, pretending that you receive love and empathy.