contradiction poem, Thoughts of the nights. first part, and others poetry

contradiction 

I am also that Nikole, the dull one, the one who cries until dawn, the one who loses the meaning of existence, the one who is negative, the one who does not shine, the one who does not find meaning, the one who is uncomfortable, the one who suffers. . , the one who cries, I am not a pseudo Nikole, this is also me, this person that I showed you, has always existed in me, at some time and somewhere, it may have only been this person, but I am all of this, the inveterately happy one with the world, the one who will not be able to see the bad things in life, the one who loves people, the one through whose eyes the world shines. I'm still me, however I don't always look at the world the same way, because I'm a complete contradiction.

Thoughts of the nights. first part

i feel that i am seriusly ill at heart, in me i know that in truth i still carry the pain of yesterday, a yesterday very far from now, one that i still do not understand, one that i see passing day after day, but i, i am trapped in that yesterday