same coin, different side

i believed in you, truly, selfishly. after you did what you did my world crashed, for seven months you had been my waking thought just for it to be abruptly stolen away from my being. long time later, a return. i couldn't contain my smile the moment my name came out of your mouth as you apologized for everything. i gave in, was it wrong? should i have listened to my mother?

sometimes you're the only person i know in this world, then other times you're the one who's hurt me the most, who's left me as one sees a stranded cat on a rainy alley. is forgiving enough? is man's nature capable of change? you say you will never repeat your mistakes, then why do i feel the same dread i felt the last time? 

you ask me to trust you, really you should know better than that. i sometimes wish, wrongly, i could cause you the same worry you bring with each problem you've been involved in these passing months. 

during that time apart, i couldn't bring myself to kiss a guy i really liked, believing that somehow i would prove to be unloyal and unworthy of your love if you were to offer it to me once again. but you, in such pain and regret that you preach, were kissing her. her, her, her with her colored hair and skinny thighs. when i remember you used the same mouth for us both you disgust me.