failed the jlpt n2 test :(

by 3 points. i found out just now. honestly, i'm not that surprised, considering how i felt when i left the test, but it still sucks that something i worked so hard for isn't really giving me a tangible result. i spent all of 2023 studying for that test, and...nothing. but i'm actually handling it better? than i thought i would?

basically, the way i see it is i took this test for experience taking the jlpt and to get me back into studying japanese again. i achieved both of those goals. and the n2 isn't actually that useful in reality; it's not pointless, to be sure, but most jobs won't even consider you without an n1. i knew that going in, and that's why i chose to take it; the stakes were professionally low, even if they were personally higher. so nothing but my mental state is damaged by me failing, lol. and 3 points is...disappointing, but it tells me that i'm not doing so bad, and that i'm probably safe to start going higher as long as i continue to review what i already know. 

my current problem is that i don't really know how to keep studying, though. i feel like just reading and writing more is a daunting task that will leave me more confused than anything, but at the same time the n1 is literally supposed to be as close to fluency as a test can get you. so i shouldn't take it if i can't, like, sit down and read a news article without constantly looking up words and shit. having my own inadequacy so clearly on display is stressful, though, which is why i avoid testing myself sometimes. it's not a good habit. but i'm so bad at remembering things sometimes; am i supposed to write down every word i don't know in a text and study them later? same for grammar? at what point do i just move on? these are things i'm struggling with now that i've reached intermediate-advanced level. if anyone has any tips, please let me know T_T 

overall, though, i feel okay. if my three goals in taking the n2 were:

1. get experience taking a jlpt exam;
2. study japanese in earnest again;
3. get an n2 certificate, 

then i think achieving 2/3 of those goals is pretty good. really hope i don't have to take the n1 more than once though...TT~TT