love advice frustration

in my exploration of attachment style theory, even though i've come across articles doubting its validity, i remain captivated on how well it hits the mark in pinpointing and dealing with my emotional wounds. this curiosity led me to check out various content about the theory, stumbling upon self-proclaimed 'love advice' on different platforms.

recently, i came across a video discussing fearful-avoidants and how the 'no contact' tactic affects them. being a fearful-avoidant myself, and currently dealing with someone pulling the 'no contact' move on me, i was naturally interested and continued watching. while the content initially seemed insightful and aligned with my experiences, my sentiments took a turn.

the video, despite its seemingly good intentions, turned out to be just another guide on "how to get him back." i'm used to being annoyed by such advice, but this particular video struck a nerve. perhaps it's because i'm really into attachment style theory or because the video seemed spot-on. what intensified my frustration were the comments: how can you say you love someone while deliberately exacerbating someone's emotional wounds for personal gain? 

this frustration stems from the realization that these folks have the tools not only to improve their own behaviors but also to help their loved ones heal. yet, they consciously choose a path that intentionally deepens someone's wounds. how can a relationship move in a positive direction when you're reinforcing unhealthy patterns? more importantly, how can such actions be labeled as love?

manipulating emotions, playing mind games, and purposefully inflicting pain seem antithetical to the essence of love. it leaves me questioning how genuine it is to claim love while doing things that only hurt the person you say you care about. in essence, how can a relationship flourish when founded on the deliberate perpetuation of suffering and unhealthy dynamics?