old health concerns and shit

i rlly hate how people would antagonize me for trying to research and find out what the fuck was wrong with me. saying i am "romanticizing" whatever.. even though i mainly just tried to research certain illnesses for characters, only to find myself applied to some of the symptoms. my own character, rose, was how i found out i had bpd. bpd, that i just thought was depression at first. and people had the audacity to claim i was "stealing illnesses" from an artist whose work comforted me while i was going through trauma. not to mention they armchair diagnosed me with rsd, and another one of them tried to disprove my movement disorder that my doctor said i probably have (by saying it was "just spasms." like fuck you, i'm going to listen to a medical professional, not some random condescending white bitch.)

i don't think i'm less valid because i later found out that i was more befitted to another label (i.e. my dpdr being schizotypal, and my schizophrenia being just schizophreniform, etc etc) especially considering it is not rare for doctors to misdiagnose or make mistakes

people acted like i was treating my disabilities as something "quirky" when i expressed the want for a diagnosis. idk. i just wanted help, especially back in 2021. 

anyway, i think i've improved a lot. i'm a lot more mentally stable, i've improved writing-wise and artistically.
(i also feel like i'm way better at articulating stuff + a lot more literate. i'm just happier now.)