1/21/24 - My birthday

It's my twentieth birthday, happy birthday me I guess. 

I'm never excited for my birthday because it always snows and I can never go and do anything. My family also is bad at putting effort into most things, including birthdays. Today was no different, my celebration was slightly sad.

At midnight my s/o decided to give me my presents. They were really excited about my birthday and to give me the presents so I just went with it. They got me the most personal and thoughtful presents out of anyone who bought me things. They know I collect dead things so they got me a real magpie skull, a taxidermy alligator head, a wet specimen of a baby octopus, and something that isn't dead but very personal to me, a poster advertising the Shadow the Hedgehog game from 2005. The poster itself was literally from 2005, a 19-year-old poster of a game I love. I really like the presents they got me, they seemed to put real effort into these presents.

After that, I went to sleep and woke up with my cat laying beside me purring loud, it was nice. My mom and her boyfriend didn't say like anything to me until before they left to pick my s/o up from work, I was gonna come with and they told me I can't because of "secret stuff" which is codeword for "were doing last minute birthday shit stay here" so I was at home for an hour, getting hungry. I was gonna make something but I decided not to because usually for birthdays my family will ask what the birthday person wants for dinner so I didn't eat to make sure I had an appetite. Then my s/o came in our room, gave me a rockstar bc they know I need my caffeine and a few minutes later my mom knocks on the door to have us come out. We came out and saw my grandparents, my mom and her boyfriend with one mini ice cream cake and one mini red velvet cake on the table, a bag with a monster truck and a pink, wrapped present with a yellow enveloped card on top of it. 

They sang happy birthday and at the part where they say my name, my mom and her boyfriend said Feff (their nickname for me), my grandparents said my deadname and my s/o said "birthdaaaay" because they didn't know what to say.

My grandma gave me the pink wrapped present saying its from my brother, my brother couldn't come because his car was stuck I guess, I don't know. He got me a Smashing Pumpkins shirt off my amazon, I like it.

My grandparents then gave me the yellow envelope card, it had fifty dollars inside. 

My mom gave me the monster truck bag, it was from her and her boyfriend and it had discounted christmas candies, a pack of aluminum crochet hooks (I already have a set), a pack of yarn needles (I already have that) and a yarn needle threader (didn't have this actually). I could tell they literally ran to Five Below today and threw discounted stuff in a bag then got the crochet stuff because my mom also crochets and knows about that.

After presents we had cake, once we each got our pieces my mom and grandparents just talked about gossip or something and I ate my cake.

When my grandparents left after about fifteen minutes, I think they took the cakes with them. They also didn't ask what I wanted for dinner, they never got me any food.

At least my s/o thought about that part and got supplies to make a nice meal they know I like, they're a really good cook.

So all in all, that was something I guess. I told my s/o that I wasn't excited for my birthday, they said they tried to find someone to take us somewhere but no one wanted to drive in snow. I wish we coulda went somewhere so I wasn't just stuck here writing a blog about how shit my birthday is. To make it worse I turned twenty, the first age that doesn't start with teen anymore, the one before the fun birthday, the one that makes me feel like my life is going nowhere. I dunno, I don't wanna seem ungrateful or something, I just wish I could have left the house.