my sadness diary [spanish/english]

Spanish Part

yo en 2023 tenia un grupo de 5 amigos,que me vieron en el peor estado que puede estar alguien,y tuvimos una pelea,ellos opinan que yo soy una persona muy mala,lo peor que puedes conocer,enserio soy asi?,2023 fue el año mas caotico,horrible y lleno de tristeza que tuve nunca,es una experiencia que no se la deseo a nadie,a NADIE,todos se alejaron de mi,solo me queda mi pareja que me contiene como puede,todos encuentran una parte mala en mi,todos se enojan conmigo,todos tarde o temprano me dejan por ser como soy,por llorar por todo,por no medir mis palabras,por simplemente,no ser feliz,por ser una persona negativa,sobrepensadora,y muy depresiva,enserio aveces me siento y pienso ¨me merezco esto?¨ y aunque no me guste parece ser verdad,estoy cansado de llorar,sentirme asi,Despertarme mal,miserable

si tu eres una persona que se siente identificado con esto o le pasa algo similar,cuentame que te esta pasando,quiero saber que no soy el unico en este agujero de tristeza y soledad

english Part

In 2023 I had a group of 5 friends, who saw me in the worst state anyone could be in, and we had a fight, they think that I am a very bad person, the worst thing you can ever know, am I really like that? 2023 was The most chaotic, horrible and sad year I have ever had, it is an experience that I do not wish on anyone, on ANYONE, everyone has walked away from me, I only have my partner who contains me as best he can, everyone finds a bad part In me, everyone gets angry with me, everyone sooner or later leaves me for being the way I am, for self-harm, for crying over everything, for not measuring my words, for simply not being happy, for being a negative person, an overthinker, and very depressed, seriously, sometimes I sit and think "do I deserve this?" and even though I don't like it, it seems to be true, I'm tired of crying, feeling like this, waking up bad, miserable,

 if you are a person who identifies with this or happens to you Something similar, tell me what is happening to you, I want to know that I am not the only one in this hole of sadness and loneliness.