waiting

I feel bad about wanting more since I already feel so rescued and privileged to have a place to live and I'm able to pay my bills right now and eat and be comfortable. But I need to advance like everyone else. I don't think it's selfish to want more money and yearn for higher wages and sealed-in comfort as long as I am grateful for what I have. Nobody is scrutinizing me for wanting a higher paying job, in fact, they are pretty much harrassing me to get one. But I feel a great sense of discomfort with hoping and grasping for more while also living in fear that everything I have already will disappear tomorrow if I take it for granted. 

I stopped smoking weed just for the sake of being able to consider any job if I get fired or end up needing to jump ship since my job's management situation is becoming uncertain. 

I just want to be able to smoke and relax knowing that I'm MAKING money instead of living paycheck to paycheck. But I can do neither because my paychecks go to living in a place where I can't smoke and the recycling is never picked up.