it ends with us - the crimes of colleen hoover

this book made me so mad, i dropped my typing quirk 4 this review + my review got deleted on goodreads

!! THIS IS NOT A SPOILER FREE REVIEW !!

I don’t even know where to start with this book, honestly. Apparently Colleen has something against trigger warnings? Which is understandable, she is not responsible for the triggers of grown folks. But when your story features domestic violence, attempted rape, emotional abuse and financial abuse, I feel like it's not the readers fault when they are put off by that in a romance novel based on the authors parents. Apparently.

There is nothing inherently wrong with writing on this topic. Especially since it ends in the two romantic leads divorcing, though that feels oddly rushed. Colleen spent the whole book making us feel bad for Ryle. She told us Ryle’s whole Tragic Bad Boy Backstory ™ , and about how he shot his brother Emmerson when they were kids. How it fucked him up mentally, and pushed him to becoming a surgeon and how he would do anything to change it. But he is incapable of change because of trauma.

Yes, in case you thought it was just abuse that this book covers poorly, it is also gets trauma all fucked up. 

In this book, Ryle does the following:

• Slaps/punches her (it was described as both) for laughing at something genuinely funny

• Gaslights her into thinking it was an accident.

• Screams at her.

• Tells her its HER fault, because he just works so much and she just “does flowers” (she owns her own business)

• Pushes her down the stairs.

• Gaslights her into thinking it's an accident .

• Threatens her + a guy (Atlas) she used to see when she was a literal child because “I’M YOUR HUSBAND” (she literally ate at a restaurant that she didn't even know Atlas owned at the time WITH Ryle and her mother)

• FUCKING SEXUALLY ASSUALTS HER !! The book says what he did was an attempt cause he never penetrated but it was sexual assault and it was nauseating to read. 

• During this act he bites a tattoo she got because of Atlas (not for him, he just inspired her to get it) so hard its scarred in the next book. 

• Gaslights her into thinking it didn't happen.

• When that doesn’t work he gaslights her into thinking she said yes to that.

• When she asserts she didn't say yes, he promises it won't happen again. 

• When he finds Atlas’ number on a sticky note inside her phone case (given by Atlas after he took her to the hospital after Ryle SAed her in case she decided to leave and needed a safe place to be) he throws a hissy fit.

• Reads her private diaries from when she was a child and gets mad at how much she used to love Atlas.

• Threatens Lily.

• Threatens Atlas.

There’s more but this list is already too long. Somehow during all of this, Lily gets pregnant. It’s Ryle’s. Of course, because no matter how shitty Ryle was, she stayed loyal, despite what her husband seemed to think. Immediately after the birth of Emma (Named after Ryles dead brother), Lily tells Ryle she wants a divorce. 

☆ ☆ ☆

“Ryle,” I say gently. “What would you do? If one of these days, this little girl looks up at you and she says ‘Daddy? My boyfriend hit me.’ What would you say to her?” [...]  “What if she came to you and said, ‘Daddy? My husband pushed me down the stairs. He said it was an accident. What should I do?’“ [...] “What if…” My voice breaks. “What if she came to you and said, ‘My husband tried to rape me, Daddy. He held me down while I begged him to stop. But he swears he’ll never do it again. What should I do, Daddy?’“ 

[...] A sob breaks from his chest. He leans forward and wraps an arm around me. “I would beg her to leave him,” he says through his tears. 

☆ ☆ ☆

Despite the realization that he is a horrible husband, and would make his daughter leave a man that acted like him, he blames Lily for breaking them up. What. A. Man. 

You may notice I’m not talking much about Lily. That’s because this book isn't about Lily. This is a story about all the things that can happen to Lily. Lily, whose only personality is she’s an innocent 23 year old girl from Maine, she likes flowers, she gets abused. 

The reason I said earlier that the divorce seemed rushed is, we are expected to like Ryle right to the end of it all. Even when saying she wants a divorce, Lily doesn’t hate Ryle. She doesn’t see him as an evil, abusive man. She sees him as a scared boy that needs to heal. 

It feels like Colleen wanted to write a dark romance, but upon remembering her mother is a survivor of all the things she is writing about, she decides to break Lily from the cycle of abuse and let her move on to a better man in the next book. 

This is not a book I would recommend. Ever. I want to give it one star, it’s poorly written and poorly handled. But I’m giving it two, because this book had potential if written by a better author.