Should I try again with this guy ?

For the first time since my break  up I developed a crush on a guy. I'm not gonna lie I was really excited, because to me that showed as a sign that I could love and feel love again. At the same time I was scared. I kept thinking of a bunch of "What if's?".  What if I get hurt again? What if he doesn't like me ? What if I'm not good enough? So I decided that I wouldn't go forward with trying shoot my shot with him. Time goes by and I tell my co-worker friend about my crush ( we'll call him "Bill"). My crush is also a  co-worker of mine ( we'll call him " Lex"). After telling Bill there would be days where he would tease me about it and try to push me to tell Lex that I have feelings for him. I would always say no and explain that I didn't think I was strong enough to handle a situation like that. For f*ck sakes I couldn't handle standing near him or talking without stumbling over my words. I always got nervous around him to the point where I couldn't make eye contact with him. How could I just go up to him and tell him I liked him????  So weeks go by and Bill is still pushing me to tell Lex, I finally caved in and decided that I would tell Lex. I found out Lex would be going on vacation for a week and thought it would be a good idea if I told him on his last night at work before his vacation. Why? Well I was thinking if things go wrong he'll be gone for a week and I'll have a week to get over it. We had a closing shift together and while walking to our cars I told him I had something to tell him before his vacation and that I apologize in advance because I'm doing this in such a high school-ish way. I don't know why but I mentioned that Bill and another co-worker ( who is also a friend) we're "blackmailing" me to tell him. He asked if he should be scared and I told him no I'm the one who should be scared. So that was my plan until one day I got a random burst of courage and decide f*ck waiting  I'll tell him now! I spent 30 mins thinking of how to go about it. I knew that I wanted to do it in that moment before I lose my courage.  So after my lunch I saw him in my department and and went up and asked if he had a notes app on his phone. He said yes. I asked if I could see it, he agreed. In the note I wrote " I have a crush on you but I also like being friends and I don't want things to be weird". I handed him his phone back and told him to read it later and walked away. As soon as I got around the corner  I RAN. My heart was beating so hard I had to step into the freezer in the back. A couple days go by and I finally got the courage to ask him if he read the note, he didn't. I don't know why but I felt so relieved . A couple more days go by and I ask him again and he said he forgot about it. On the second to last day before his vacation we had a moment to talk. He was  done with his work and came over to talk to me while I was wrapping up my work in the freezer. I tried to wrap up the conversation by telling him that Bill was on the other side of the backroom and that he could go distract him so he wouldn't come over to where we were and bring up the topic he was "black mailing " me with ( which was the crush on Lex). Lex looked at me, raised an eyebrow, smiled  and said " What if I already know?". I don't know why but my voice got a little high pitched and I said he " Do you ?" . He said "Maybe". When he did I just ran into he freezer. I got really hot and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was sweating and panicking, I even started laughing. Like what was wrong with me ??? Fast forward to the next day, I see him again, we talk a little and I tell him to find me at the end the end of the day so we could talk. The end of the day comes and he comes to my department. Somehow we're the only ones there. I'm putting up items that customers didn't want and started talking. I started sweating really hard and started stuttering when I about to bring up the note. I feel like he could tell I was struggling and said he knew what this was about and that he read the note.  I felt like my heart dropped out my a** . I kind of froze for a moment and then a barely remember anything after that. I remember I was so nervous that I started rambling and walking around so I could put my items up. The whole time he followed me around and listened. At the end of it he didn't really say anything other then him noticing me avoiding him and how it was ok. I  also told him I didn't want things to be weird and that I could get over it . At this point I started to back out from my plan. I didn't wan to make it weird for him so I said I could get over it that way it made it easy for him to friendzone me. Before he could say anything we saw Bill and our other co-worker walking towards us. Lex tells them he knows and Bill tells him that he's been telling me for weeks to tell him. It was 10:15pm and he left to clock out. I was freaking out and explaining to Bill what had happened. All he did was comfort me and told me I did a good job. I was still in a panic though. 10:55 comes around, Me and Bill head up to clock out and we see Lex walking out . I was confused because he never sticks around after he clocked out. Bill thought what if he stuck around because he wanted to talk more and I missed my chance because I was too scared to bump into him again .

( I'll speed things up because I feel like I've been going in circles with useless details)

A week goes by and Lex is back at work. I bumped  into him a couple times and I got the chance to ask him if things were weird between us. He said they weren't but I was still worried. I started getting worried that he thought I friend zoned him. My main concern was that I didn't want to make him uncomfortable so I thought the best thing was to make it easy for HIM to friend zone me. Just in case if there was a chance I asked him if he thought that I'm the one who friend zoned him. He  said no and that I shouldn't " worry about it " . I told him that It wasn't my intention to friend zone him and that I was out my element and wasn't used to the whole talking/ sharing my feelings. He just reassured me that things were ok. 

A few days go by and I'm talking to a co-worker in the break room ( we'll call her "Bree"). Bree just got out of a relationship and told me that she was in the middle of her "hoe" stage to help her cope with her recent break up. I was talking about the stress of me getting a new car and she was talking about the stress of her trying to juggle two guys who she was "talking " to. Later in the conversation she told me the two guys she was juggling  were Bill and Lex. I somehow managed not to show any emotions on my face but on the inside I wanted to cry. Lex saying "it was fine" was starting to make sense, he had feelings for Bree. Bills constant need to keep nagging me to tell Lex how I felt made sense, he wanted to get Lex out the way so he could have a shot with Bree. I felt hurt and angry. I was mad at Lex because why didn't you just say you liked someone else ? I was mad at Bill because I thought he was my friend and I felt like I was being used so he could get Bree. I was mad at Bree because out of all the guys why'd it have to be Lex that you picked to play ? I made the decision the ignore all of them . I was pretty sure if I talked to any of them I would've snapped. I would've either started crying or just cursing them out. So I thought it was for the best that I just ignored them and focus on work. It was kind of hard for me to stay mad at Lex. He was the first guy I've had a crush on since my ex. It doesn't help that when I crush or like someone  I fall hard. I'm not saying I fall hard for every guy I like, I'm very picky when it comes to that. I just wished he was clear with me. 

Fast forward again, Bree and bill make it official that they're dating. From a unwanted conversation with Bill he told me that they were dating for 2 months. Me and Lex have been talking casually at work  and he brought up the fact that he go played by "  some girl" for 2 months and it left him depressed for a bit and  now he's over it and taking anti depressants for it. He also mentioned how he wanted to forget those 2 months but not anything I said. 

So now I'm stuck with choosing to stay in my "No men, no relationship " mindset so I can work on myself . If I should go and shoot my shot or if I should just aim to be friends. I feel like I shouldn't because I don't like the idea of being second choice and I feel like he might not be over the situation like he claims. For f*ck sakes he mentioned that he was looking for a new job right after Bill and Bree mad it official.