Musings on Modern Social Media and the Hunger for Knowledge

There was a fundamental shift in the way I started living when middle school rolled around, and the people around me started having smart phones that could access the up and coming social media sites that continue on to this day: Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, YouTube, etc. Leaning over my friend's shoulders at lunch to look at the content they were consuming was now more engaging than sitting around the table and talking to each other. I'm not really sure when it all came to a close, where conversations existed in which the idea of pulling out your phone mid sentence was absurd. Now, it feels like pulling teeth to get someone to focus on what I'm saying, like my own self isn't colourful, fast-paced, funny or stimulating enough to keep the attention of the people I cared about. Even then, I found my desire to learn new things being stifled by the concept that I could turn off my brain, and let people's content wash over any thought in my mind I wasn't comfortable enough sitting in. That my chronic issues were preventing me from getting out of bed, but at least I didn't have to stare at a wall, I didn't have to focus on a narrative of a show or read a book, I could just exist in a miasma of other people; as if I was in a room where people were showing off anything and everything. I didn't have to choose where to look, just keep my eyes open, flick my finger, and with just that sliver of effort I could keep being entertained.

It wasn't even like I hated boredom, but there was something I was escaping. I enjoyed running, and am still building up the skills to do it on the good days. To get somewhere, point A to B quickly because you are fast, you are going, you are the momentum, that felt unbelievable. Then the fatigue sets in. Noticing it now, it is almost like there is a global epidemic of tiredness. It is not laziness, and I could theorize about dopamine over-saturation, or a high intake of our ever-growing catalogue of media, or stress induced chronic fatigue and autoimmune conditions, yet overall I think it is just a lot. Living life in this era feels like you need to know about everything that passes through that little black box in our hands, the climate crisis, the genocides and wars (Ukraine and Palestine stand out particularly at the moment), our own physiology, gut microbiomes, exercise and daily physical activity regimens, screen time, racial discrimination, computer science and tech safety, monopolies, sexuality and gender revolutions, capitalism and failing government systems, energy crises, more and more and more and suddenly we want to be half-experts in fixing all of this, or can't help but absorbing it somewhere underneath our skin and we want to escape. We want to run, on a treadmill of a screen that we can just keep going on, especially with the trend of swipe-able short form content. Or we want to escape ourselves by living in that room, or a house, or a person. In a stressful era people's coping and emotional regulation become a distorted mess of- I'm trying.

We are trying! I know that, but when did it become so easy not to even exist anymore? When did we all agree that it's alright to lay down in the bed and consume bits and pieces of content that, I find, leave nothing in the mind except a vague guilt that after hours of doom-scrolling, nobody can remember more than a couple? I'm not denying the beauty of this thing that we've created, sharing these compositions and artistic creations of our lives, short form comedy, a way to grow as artists to these huge digital platforms, it's a beautiful tool to track current trends and this feeling of connectivity it radiates is phenomenal. To me, and many people I know, it just leaves such a sense of falseness, a slimy feeling in your stomach that it is not where you want to be. The impermanence of existence, of time, and here we all are addicted to this extrapolated sense of connectivity when truly I'm too nervous to even text my friends. Why am I ignoring my own life's passions for a moment of escapism? I want to try harder, and I want to truly rest when I'm tired.

I want to know how the world works, I want to know how all of this fits together, ecosystems and people, history and culture, technology and psychology, I want to know everything. There's this gaping maw in my brain, and due to this unending fatigue, I've decided to throw this blend of content, just people screaming into a world we can't even step into, just to satiate it. Influencing is a career that demands the time and attention of people who are addicted to spending it. Content consumption has devolved into a trend of amindless escapism instead of thoughtful appreciation. I'm trying to turn that around, to realize I could know things and add to things, to sculpt the world instead of getting locked inside a labyrinth of all that. To figure out where I am and who I am and what I will be doing day after day. I will spend the energy, and I will rest. I will still engage now and again, abstinence and addiction require balance, and I want to balance. I still want to exist where the people are.

I will learn, and I suggest you do too. We are living in the age of accessible information, and things are ready to be stored in the brain and in CDs and DVDs, BDs and flash drives. Write over a VCR tape, store everything in a hardrive and have 3 different backups, backups are important people. Learn about pigeons and bugs and trees, learn how to code or learn about stocks, about religion and fiction and your local history. Dive into fiction. Dive in and come for air whenever you need. Cook good food, take in the sensory experiences of the outside world. Love, and be loved. Once you start existing, maybe you'll realize you can exist in any way you want. You don't have to run anywhere, and you can know anything you want. Just start before you forget you wanted to.

Signing off,

J. Soda