Justtt a lil vent (att: Autism )

(TW: THIS IS VENT LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS, also maybe ableism and transphobia )

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I hate being autistic since the mayor part of sound sensitivity fucks me up so baddly, even if i'm having a great time like celebrating a loved one or something I just can't help but corner myself due to the combinations of loud and unexpected sounds, it's surprising that I've been masking this for years because I don't like crying in front of family,friends or strangers. 

Plus my family doesn't believe I'm autistic specially my dad ,since I came out as trans and stuff he does treat me differently but as soon as I show any kind of emotion it all crumbles down to block 0

Like today ,just today my family went to  a restaurant to celebrate my uncle which I am happy for him (it's his birthday) but it  was hard to interact with my family because I have bad hearing + the noise comming from around me was overstimulating me and I tried to calm down by polishing my nails or stroking my own hair, it didn't end well honestly. 

Now I'm here ,crying like a baby all because I don't like too much noises at the same time, is this why I'm emo?

Not like in a bad sense I'm actually very emotionally or logic driven like emo of emotional ( when nobody's looking )

It really makes me sad everytime this happends there's always me ending up being too agressive looking ,by that I mean I get triggered by nothing else but sound which makes me seem more agressive. I don't really know what to do with my hearing sensitivity :(