Impossible dreams

quite time ago i watched one of my favorite horror movie of these years, Pearl (2022) and i got into the amazing monologe of pearl at the almost end of the movie, and i think it became my own personal roman empire cause of the reason behind it

Pearl is a poor farmer in the chaotic world of 1930s, that time the only way a woman suceded was becoming either famous or marring and this kinnda makes me understand WHY Pearl did what she did in the movie (NO SPOILERS, BUT I RECOMEND IT IF YOU ARE NOT SENSIBLE) its clear that she was frustrated and the only thing she needed was mental help and self love

Personally, i feel so connected to this movie beacuse its so relatable

my dream was to become famous and have lots of money. A dream that i have since i was 9 and it never left my head, idk why actually, cause i know its impossible for me to became what i want and im not saying in a peronal way, i mean it in a literal way

i dont have my own room

i dont have a place of my own

i dont have money to buy a new computer that has a camara or a microphone or literally anything useful othen than internet

i dont even have peace in my own house, the ones living with me are allways calling for me even when i want to be alone for a while

i cant have a time to think about what i want or how i feel

i hate to make it look like i want someone to have pitty on me but i dont, i just want to be alone just for a day, have my own money and get my own dreams come true. 

i dont like to share, idk, i guess in not a nice person and even worst because they are my family, but i just wish them to let me go, i want to stop studing for an english teacher career but i cant because if i leave school the health insurance of my mom from her work will stop for me because im legally an adult and my psiquatrist will stop giving me attention and medication,this is still not free in Mexico in some places and they are not some cheap pills so at this point im waiting to snap tf out and get to a mental hospital so i can have my medication and stop studying.

but im obviously not gonna do that, like, why whould i?

im kinnda losing my mind, hell this is kinnda the reason why im inactive a lot in every media exept tiktok, i use it to forget abt my problems but i dont think its working; I have been sick of drawing and playing games (the only thing im good at) and its kinnda scaring me that i will never do whatever i want because there is so much to fix yet and it keeps getting more and more to fix before ACTUALLY record funny videos and have a funny haha vloging life, i dont know if i have potential but i will never know if i try and i cant try because there is more than just do things for fun

im kinnda tired

BUT I WANNA KNOW IF YOU HAVE AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM TOO, i know i ended it a bit pesimistic but again, this is just a me problem its ok to feel down abt not having time to do what you want but remember that we have all the time in the world to do thing that we love, DONT GIVE UP, KEEP FIGHTING FOR THOSE DREAMS

UR NOT A FAILURE, UR SMART, FUNNY AND CONFIDENT AND PRETTY AND STRONG <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CYAAA!!!!! ILY