some shit i dreamt abt that felt so cute and heartfelt

The way I admired him when he started to ramble about the painting he had made 5 minutes ago, complex but so simple, was never done in any way I've admired anyone. It felt like my eyes could sparkle and pour constant, salty, dirty water everywhere on myself. I giggled and smiled at him looking back at me to see whether or not I had been paying attention. Truth is I wasn't. My eyes could never pull away, I bathed in his warmth, I craved every single touch he ever gave me throughout this entire day we've been together. I took out a Marlboro Gold cigarette and put them between my lips, lighting them as I watch him speak so calmly.

His soft, smooth voice, suggesting I try to do something with this painting, contribute my mind to him. How I would do anything he wants me to, even when I couldn't possibly. "I- I'm not really 'good' at painting, I wasn't really an arts kid growing up." I say as I take a long drag of my cigarette and exhaling it while I smiled at him. He smiled back, "I know, that's why I'm teaching you."

As he starts to ramble on about the paints that was used, in hopes of teaching me at least something about arts, I can't help but develop a lump in my throat, knowing what I'm about to say next. As much as I don't want to ruin what we have now, I can't help it, I can't take it.

"...I like you." I say quietly with shakiness in my voice. My face, worried, with my heart pounding louder than it ever has. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to heart how nervous I was. He looked at me with widen eyes but quiet.

Instead of talking, he stayed quiet. I wish I had never said anything. Instead of staying quiet, "I love you." Even after knowing there is no chance of him reciprocating. In that moment, it was all I could think of, all I wanted, I wanted it more than I wanted to live. I was reading every single expression on his face like my life depended on it. My eyes darting back and fourth to each of his eyes, in hopes to see any sign of acceptance.

He sighed and looked at me. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it. "And I hate doing this thing where it's supposed to feel cute and exciting as you flirt endlessly with me throughout the night because I just want you so bad." I say as I begin to cry in front of him. I wiped away my tears and put my hand on my face as I begin to feel the embarrassment set in. "You're all I ever wanted." I whispered through my hand covering my face.

He looked at me with a look that finally reassured me that he was reciprocating. "I'm so sorry but please don't look at me like that." I say as I looked away from him.

"I love you too."