2024 started in the worst way ever

I relapsed on my su1c1d4l tendencies, went back into sh and now im fucking single cause I fucked up the one and only romantic relationship that was working out 4 me. 

I suck and I hope they get better from me. I always knew stuff never works out with me because of how unstable I am but this time I was sure it would be different, I even made future plans smth that I had never done b4 but now it doesn't mean anything at all. 

I'm just venting tbh srry about that. 

most of my uni (all of them actually) are close with my ex so I'm alone lol. not because they would take sides but because my ex said she would prefer to cut contact completely (and it's fair) so yeah I'm not gonna insert myself in their friend group anymore. idk I'm just lost

we hugged and kissed one last time and fuck she smelled so good I can't deal with the fact that I will forget about it, about her smell, her hugs, her kiss...

idk I'm just lost. BPD sucks, I suck. hope she gets better and that someday she's happy