Angst (?)

So, I'm doing this weird public diary thing. If you don't wanna cringe, I recommend looking away.

I don't want to die, I just wanna dissapear. Erased from existince so that no one remembered me, and everything I effected would go back to to the way it was before I came to be. I think I've felt like that for a long time, dating back to when I was very young. By that, I mean the first memory I have of me wanting to dissapear is when I was about, two? I have no idea what my age was. I remember that I was at one of my mom's friend's house, and her friend had a kid, so I was in his room. I don't want to go too much in detail, but I was laying on his bed, and I had a random thought: What if I was gone? I kept thinking and thinking about what would happen, and I was like "well, if I were gone, mom would get sad." and I left it at that to go see what the other kid was doing. He was playing a Ninja Turtle game on his computer. (I think it was one of the old ones.) But in the back of my mind I kept wondering if I would be sad if I were gone.