a vent

so my stuff got taken away so im writing this on the school laptop.

so im ccurrentty crying cuz i was getting scolded by mother because im not doing my work and now shes threating to tell my dad of my grades and i know he will hit me for it, its the fucking  weekend. i dont want to do jack shit, im suppost to rest and not worry about school. but no. she barges in my room all pissed and shit. and i cant say "i have no motivation" because she'll just say "find it then" or "not a good enogh excuse". i honestly thought she was going to slap me because she said "i just want to punch you in your face right now" and "if you keep looking at me like that im going to hit you" i was crying when she said that. and then she goes on on how i don't leave my room, well im fucking sorry i dont have a car or that i cant do anything with my friends because im stuck in the fucking house. 

i try so fucking hard to forgive her every damn time for this shit, dad too. but they make it SO DAMN HARD. im just waiting for her to fucking punch me in the nose at this point so i can go to the hospital, i dont care shes if says "its because we want the best for you."  this seems like HELL to me, i dont have tough skin, im a sensitive little bitch, i cant handle this. and i dont think i ever can. i cant even spell correctly anymore from how watery my eyes are, she didnt even yell but she might as well would have, would have the same affect. also its her own fault she getsshit talked about her, they are pointing out my mom with how she takes care of me, but she also points that blame at me. im a kid. im reciprocating you because your my mother.

I try. i try my fucking best, but appaerntly im not trying hard enough for them. i dont wantt to go to college, but i have to for them. why? BECAUSE THEY DIDNT FINISH THEIR OWN FUCKING EDUCATION BECAUSE OF ME. THEY JUST NOW GOT THEIR DEPLOMAS FOR HIGH SCHOOL NOT EVEN A FULL YEAR AGO. i just want to be left alone. i just want to get a job so i have my own money so when im 18 i can fucking leave this god damn house. i dont want to see them, i love them, but i hate them so fucking much. i cant keep forgiving them so easily, i just want to slam this laptop into the ground and run, run so far that im nt even in the same state. but i cant. because i need them. and i fucking hate it.

im sorry if i sound like a brat, im just mad and sad right now, i just dont want to be here right now, in every way possible. and i cant vent to  anyone right now. so if you read this, thanks. genuinely thanks for reading this stupid shit al the way. im just so tired right now but i have to do work now, i dont want mom to get mad again. again thanks for reading all of this.