addressing things.

hello.

if you know user frankmustdie, you might understand the proof he has against me of being a shitty person.

i understand the shit things i said and done in the past, but that doesnt mean post what i said, i know he was being informative, dont get me wrong, i respect that.

this is neither an apology, nor me admitting to anything. (why would i admit to something that i have i have no proof of not doing, thats stupid)

this is me saying that for the school sh00ting stuff, yes i know it was wrong, i was completely unhinged, but the whole situation was quite ironic to me, as it was the first few months of school and it didnt seem likely for someone to have clear access to a gun. but i know, still no excuse for me say such shitty things.

for sh and suicide shit, i try to let them know beforehand now, but it still doesnt excuse my lack of trigger warnings i had when i was venting. to be fair, now when i do vent, i add tags, but that still wont help add to the lack of will to let myself heal from the past, i still have disturbing fantasizes that haunt me, even when i take medication, the numbness in my body still hurts.

frank, in the most respectful way, and i know you were saying this to warn people about how i am.

but fuck you.

you are still my friend, but please dont make past me more apperent than current me.

fuck you for thinking i would let this go unnoticed.

i have been poundering "why the whole fucking friend group ignoring me" but then i learnt your connected to it, its messed up, i know its my fault, dont make people online go out of their way to read bullshit i have done in the past.

if you dont like me, dont harrass me, just block me.

1/17/24

(TW: mentions of psych wards, self harm, suicide, sexual assult, and rape)

if you know user frankmustdie, you would know that he deleted all the messages about me.

this a message for him.

you didnt have to delete the whole thing. i asked you to delete on segement of the blog, as the situation i was in during the mental hospital was not as "fun" or "cool" as i made it sound.

i lost my virginity, yes, but not in the way i wanted it to happen.

i was sexually assulted, some people may even consider it as rape.

i wont go into detail on what happened, but thats why i wanted you delete the segment, it was not because of willow's situation.

telling me to fuck off forever is low, even for you.

its childish, really.

i rather talk about it in person, instead of you shutting me off like a child.

i dont mean to be a bad person, my personality is fake, like i stated before. i am apposed to most of the things i say.

another reason for me "stalking" people is that i have severe attachment and abandonment issues.

i have issues with people leaving me, i get attached easily.

i use other people as a coping mechanism and i know its wrong.

for self harm, i use it as a way to punish myself for hurting other people, when i dont do it, i go back to how i used to be.

if you dont like me, dont worry, im switching all my classes on the 30th, but even then. dont expect to see me again after may 1st, where i will say my final goodbye, and do what i should have done 2 years ago.

im sorry.