An Actual Review of Cocaine Bear (2023)

Cocaine Bear: A Grizzly Bear of a Movie

Sorry that I haven’t posted a new review in a while; I guess I have been trying to digest and really figure out this bear of a movie. To be honest, a few of the others in the group and I had a hard time watching this grizzly movie, barely able to look at the screen whenever the irrate ursine took the stage.

To say I outright dislike or even hate this movie would be a bearfaced lie, it's well shot, has a compotent plot, and the acting is delightfuly tripe. The film's goal is to recapture the excitement and fun of 80s slasher flicks and delight in the genuinely gore-filled and painful deaths it concocts. A few deaths are on par with the absurd demises found in the Final Destination films and show off an impressive imagination and stunning shot composition.

While beautifully shot and displaying some gorgeous nature, for anyone who is familiar with the mountains and forests of the eastern United States (the Appalachians), it is obvious that this film was shot somewhere far from there. It's hard to put into words, but I personally have spent quite a bit of time in the region where the story this film is based took place. There is a rough beauty to the area, lots of damaged and healing trees that show the marks of storms and harsh weather, uneven trails pockmarked with jutting stones and roots, yet an odd openness to the trees, and terrain that seems like it was roughly scooped and sculpted across the earth by a bored gods hand. You walk along the bare shoulder of a mountain overlooking a sea of treetops, with the angled face of more mountain to your other side; off to the horizon is the arching and snaking curve of where you have been or are going. But the film shows open rolling clearings with lush grass up in the mountains, wide expansive trails, and caves to sudden waterfalls. In reality, you get the occasional bald marked with tall grass and shrubs, trails wide enough for a person and a half, creeks, small eddies and streams, and the stones above. Rather than massive waterfalls, you get tranquil and refreshing springs and streams that at times sluice over a part of the trail, even though you hear quite a bit before you can see them or taste the almost sweet water. Both are amazing and I can't fault them for not packing a whole film crew up into the real mountains, but it was something that pawed for my attention as I watched.

But what really gnawed at me was the dread. I knew what this film was about heading into it, and I will be upfront about my distaste for slasher flicks and gorefests. They aren't my bag, that's all. But so many people had great things to say about it, so I went in with trying to have an open mind. Now I have also had my own run-ins with bears, and my respect for them and the rest of nature may have played a part in coloring my view.

Cocaine Bear doesn't waste a second teasing you, within 5 minutes you see folks brutally mauled. I felt my stomach fill with lead and knew I was in for a ride. The film knows you know, and it toys with you more as the film continues. You can immediately know what will happen at the start of a scene, but you can't stop it. You can't look away. Like a force of nature, every horrid event unfolds before your eyes with a certain inevitability to them. The titualr four-legged foe isn't even the only dangerous thing out there in the woods, Ray Leota is in those trees... and he is coming for blood, or atleast his cocaine.

Speaking of, there is a surprising level of depth to the characters that are all caught in the coke-binging bear's path. Though obviously not deep character studies and often used as setups for jokes or meta-commentaries on the films this one used as inspiration. They are all competently written, and a few helped keep me invested despite my weak stomach. Despite their limited scope and dimension, I wanted to see where these characters would go and what they chose to do. The film is like an action-packed on-rails shooter, filled with crazy set peices and confounding character choices

I have to say, in the end, if you like bombastic violence and agonizing setups that build dread and suspense, or if you crave that 80’s slasher schlockiness, then Cocaine Bear will be right up your alley. Likely feasting on the corpse of some hapless hiker…