"I ate 3 whole onions (sauteed with salt and pepper) for dinner last night and my farts are unfathomably disgusting."

I am NOT joking. This is serious shit, I almost puked because my toots smell so bad. Listen, I'm not a psychopath. I just needed to use up some onions. In my defense, I had some steak with it too. Steak and onions, not a bad combo right? I flew too close to the sun. Too many onions. 

 I made the mistake of sitting on the couch and farting, now the place where I sat reeks to high hell. I'm surprised I didn't melt a hole through the fabric. I've been trying to fart outside on my balcony to keep from just blowing shit Febreeze in my flat. Now I'm sitting in my office chair and trying not to gag. I'm not squeamish, especially not with my own farts. This is different. Too many onions.

My whole apartment smells like a cross between an outhouse and a paper mill with a dash of rotten egg and diarrhea sprinkles. Why did I do this to myself?? I was a fool. Nay, I am a fool. I don't even want to think about the torrent of ass lava that I'll be subjected to tomorrow morning. I'm going to have animal control at my door thinking a family of possums died in the vents. How will I be able to tell my girlfriend that I can't come see her because I have putrid onion gas? This is a lamentable misstep on my part, I ate God's ass apple and now I'm paying the poo poo price. Too many onions.

(from reddit but idk the user)