⅃ɘɘbƨ 23

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry

I’m bragging about being fucking insane

But wait, I can unplug the phone charger

Let’s just take a breath…

Let’s just take a breather

How are you doing dude?

(Good)

This is like

So different from the last psych ward so…

This one is voluntary right

So I can literally leave and go like do cartwheels and like

Fuck around to like my fucking emo metal shit

Ah god it’s so weird

They finally put me back on my meds so…

I’m finally in a psych ward

But they like let me have a safe dose of Adderall at the same time

So I’m not like on some weird shit

That just makes me numb

(Yeah)

You get me?

(Yeah)

No it’s, no it’s strange I swear to God like

This is the next step

Like this is like some big shit actually happening like

I’m gonna get signed to a record label

And I know it sounds fucking stupid

I know, that’s the point

I have to let go of my ego like completely

Like my family has seen this shit like what the fuck?

And it’s not because I’m faking it

It’s because I’ve literally been in that much pain

(I’m listening)

No, no no no this is like

The Murakami

The Infinite Jest

No this is actually some like

God… okay like

I don’t want the doctors to hear this but like literally

Some like Pagan God shit

There is some actual shit happening right now

And like, I swear to Christ

Logically

Logically

Logically

Like I know I can’t prove it

Because of the social media curse

That stops my best fucking music

From like being on social media but like I swear to God

That’s an actual thing

But I’ve been like playing music for the other patients

Yo, these people are like…

Like I’m kinda like

Low key

Low key

Low key become a celebrity in here

Like it’s gonna take a while but it’s gonna happen

No like high key it’s gonna happen

It’s already happening

Like I made a stupid story about…

Making fun of you about how 

I’m not gonna sign to your record label

Cause I’m gonna get like an actual industry record label soon

Like I’m gonna get a record deal it’s just gonna happen

Like…

(Um)

No I swear

I know I sound just fucking out of my mind

But we have to be at this point

Bro

Like are we gonna like change the world or not?

Like I’m being fully serious

I have been asleep

I have not been up for nights

Safe doses of both the anti-depressants

And the fucking amphetamine shit

Like safe doses

I wasn’t even on them

Like yesterday, all day

And I was still without any amphetamines or Adderall

Improvising my like

Y’know my thoughts turn into music shit

With no drugs whatsoever

Completely sober

(Mmm)

You understand that if that’s true…

That means that I’m moving in the right direction

That’s like my fucking golden compass shit?

(Mhm)

You understand that right?

(Mhm)

That if the music is coming out when I’m sober

That the golden compass is like

Yo, you’re in the right place

You’re doing the right thing

(Mhm)

No but do you understand how fucking weird this is?

Like are you reading the shit I’m writing?

(Um, yeah just read it today)

It’s weird isn’t it?

But like it’s funny

Like it’s funny right?

(Yeah it’s hilarious)

Good thank you that’s the point

But at the same time

I’m not like doing it on purpose

I’m literally like in the zone

Like the Kenny Werner I am a master at music or some shit

But like in terms of like everything

Like…

Like here’s the thing

I know it’s been really weird

But I’ve got like no embarrassment

I’ve got like…

Yeah, sometimes I get vibed

I still get vibed

I have to like… meditate

And stop the fucking chaos in my mind

(Mmm)

But…

But here’s the thing…

I can unvibe myself

I can get rid of like the fucking 

Incel Messiah fucking Kahvi witch curse

Like that’s an actual thing

You get that right?

(Mhm)

You get that Kahvi dancing in pig’s blood like actually fucking

Did some weird fucking like curse shit to all of us?

No no no

I’m being completely fucking serious

I’ve like…

I know I just went for an emotional breakdown

But this isn’t the kind where like

Ah fuck I hate that I’m here

I’m Joker laughing…

Like, I’m doing the fucking Joker laugh thing

(Mhm, mmm)

No like I’m…

I’m literally like Radiohead, In Rainbows

“I’m the next act”

No…

This is fucking weird as shit

Like honestly this is not…

Like just me being crazy this time

It never was really

You saw me like when I had my first like...

Holy shit, what the fuck is going on?

And I show up at Caleb’s house and like

Yo, is he gonna punch me or not?

You remember that stupid shit

And I’m talking about Ivan like yo

He wants to fucking kill homeless people

Fuck him

Do you know how much fucking anger I have inside me?

(Mhm)

No like I never gave a shit

Like everyone’s like yo

“You’re hanging out with Kahvi as a friend but you’re not fucking her?”

And I let their dumb chimp insecurity get into my head

That made me think that I actually gave a shit about having sex with her

Well I mean like, she’s very hot but…

The insecurity part is like…

Yo, I just liked hanging out with her as a friend

And because you guys like…

Got in my fucking head and I didn’t fucking…

Like actually fucking scream at you fucking chimps

Like I’m sorry...

Sorry

It’s not a race thing

You’re all white

Except for Khalil

Does he count as part of like our

Weird fuck shit?

(Wait, who’s not white?)

Khalil?

Does he count as part of our weird fuck shit?

(I don’t think he counts)

(He’s been around like 3 times)

No dude, do you understand this is how I actually think?

Like I’m getting all of you guys

I’m gonna bring you to England

We’re gonna do some weird shit

(I’m down)

Do you?

I know it’s weird but I swear...

Like I’ve been seeing like

(If you pull it off, yeah)

If I pull it off…

But here’s the thing…

I didn’t plan this shit

Like I’m in the zone 

I’m not planning any of this

Like if somehow…

Like I was on acid like…

This just happened and I was chosen as the 1

Who like started this shit like…

I don’t fucking know

But here’s the weird part

Here’s the weird part about all of it…

I’m like…

Multiple things at the same time

So it’s like I’m

It’s not multiple personality disorder

I just feel 2 emotions at once

You get that?

(No, not really)

No, I’m literally crying and laughing at the same time

Like not like actually…

(O)

So it’s like when I was on acid

The fucking Kahvi 3 way with Caleb thing…

It’s like yo

This is terrible

I feel really bad

But it’s kind of really cool like knowing that she’s gonna fuck Caleb

And just kind of like being here and feeling how terrible it is

(Um)

You get that I’m like that like that…

O, I hate getting cucked

But I also kind of like getting cucked?

(Um)

(I don’t know, I wouldn’t wanna be cucked)

No, but do you understand like

I’ve never truly understood what the fuck I am?

And like it’s actually something fucking weird?

(Mmm, mhm)

No it’s like…

No like I’m like actually super autistic

I’ve actually just been like creating like

Personality folders in my hard drive

I’m around Jenny for 2 seconds

I come back to you and I’m like yo Andrew

You were a fucking asshole to fucking Jenny

I’m around you for 2 seconds it’s like

Yo Jenny, like you’re being stupid

You get that?

Like I literally don’t control it

(Mmm)

It’s so fucking weird

Like literally my personality changes

Depending on who I’m fucking with

And you know Kahvi and Katie…

You know what pisses me off about them?

They lie about like the fact…

That they were good friends with me…

Because I’m not cool

Like do you get that?

(Mmm)

They literally like…

Yo, I know my memories

Kahvi and Katie…

Literal bad people

Kahvi’s better

Kahvi’s not as bad

She’s actually pretty cool

Like I’ve been sending her the most fucked shit

And Katie the most fucked shit

And like…

Like literally I...

This morning I wake up and I’m like yo Katie

Yo please, no restraining order please

And then I started crying…

Like just literally I cannot stop crying

I fall on the floor

Like the people here are like what’s going on?

And I can’t help it I send her another E-Mail

It’s no longer this scary like…

The scary shit

The psychopath shit

It’s now like…

Yo, I can not stop crying Katie

I know I said I wouldn’t because I’m scared of a restraining order

But I literally cannot stop crying

You know what you did Katie?

You hooked up with me

Like a really like fucking traumatized autistic guy

And you know what you did?

You know what you fucking did?

You expect me to read your social cues

Instead of telling me that you changed your mind

Invited me and Duncan to come to your apartment 

Without telling me you changed your mind

I put my head on your feet

You kicked me

Like you understand like how fucked that is?

That she did that?

(Mhm, mmm)

You understand Katie literally fucking abused me

Kahvi not as much cause she like…

Kahvi not really

A little bit

A little bit

A little bit

But Kahvi’s fucked

And I know that Kahvi has a good reason to be fucked

But Katie’s just evil

Like she’s like an actual abuser towards men

(Mmm)

She’s just that

No, she’s like literally like the feminist like

“Ooo, I can’t be bad I’m a woman”

Like do you get that she’s that?

(Mmm, mhm)

Yeah, you get that Katie’s like…

Have you seen…

Like her, the way she changes her aesthetic 

And she’s literally become like the…

Fucking colored hair like SJW like stereotype?

Like can you see that?

(Mmm)

Isn’t that fucking weird?

(Mmm, it’s pretty normal)

It must be…

No no but it’s like she subconsciously knows…

She’s full of fucking shit

(Yeah)

It’s so weird

No it’s so weird

You get that there’s like

Weird shit going on with our friend group?

And it’s not just like me being psychotic

You see that?

You’ve always seen it

Like I’m not gonna ever fucking do acid again…

Cause holy shit, I’m on some other shit

No, like I am so fucking autistic

No, like no actually I just like…

I’m one of those like super autistic people

That it’s like, oh wow…

Holy shit

I hear your voice

I’m getting fucking goosebumps like literally…

I think of like fucking like…

Katie or

Kahvi or

Hannah or 

Dahlia

There was a dahlia flower in the garden

In the fucking garden of the psych ward

And I started getting hard

From the fucking dahlia flower