turning 20 years old

yesterday I turned 20 years old and I feel so weird about it. technically nothing has changed, but I can't believe I've been alive for TWO decades now!!! I have memories that are 10+ years old this is absolutely crazy

I also feel kinda sad because I feel like I haven't achieved anything yet. I graduated high school at 19 y.o. (when I should've graduated at like 17) and didn't go to college or anything. and now I work at a minimum wage job and have no idea what to do with my life

but I think I'm more happy than sad after all because I really got better (mentally) and I've grown a lot in this two years and met amazing people who are now my closest friends and I love them so much and they love me! (even though I often feel like I don't deserve their love) I can't tell you how gratefu I am l for them!! 

I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want in life, I'm anxious a lot of the time and have a lot of health issues (mental and physical) but right now as I'm writing this I feel almost happy! I think I'm proud??? of myself and the progress that I've made (I feel weird saying that) 

I never thought I'd graduate high school let alone live up to 20 years but I'm happy I didn't end it all (my life). 15-year-old me probably would be shocked if they saw me now

this is all I wanted to say today, sorry it's a really messy blog and idk I just really wanted to share my feelings and all that

feel free to leave a comment or something (≧ω≦)