so sleepy

I grow restless once again tonight. My ego seems to be returning, not with a vengeance but with a creeping need to 'protect' myself against any potential embarrassment that may befall me when taking risks. I don't actually care, it's like I am pretending to care for my own sake, to let me know something about this is real and that I should ground myself in that. I don't have a sake so what do I wait for exactly? How bored am I? How intrigued am I? Am I full on wasting my time? I think I miss when I didn't have to wonder and I could still be no one to anyone and just watching. 

Don't read this.

If you do you'll drop your pencil.