Transmission_#0001_First-Contact

--Wait, who are you? What are yo-

>>YOU. This email account I'm using right now. This was yours, right?

--I use it as a garbage ema-

>>So you aren't using it? 

--Uh, only sporadically or if-

>>Cool, I'm borrowing it. 

--No, hold on a fucking minute. What kind of BS hacker shit are you playing at?? And you can't just "borrow" my email-

>>Firstly, I'm not a hacker. Secondly, I already changed your password. 

--For Christ's sake I-

>>Heyheyhey, just wait, okay. Just hear me out. I'm not a hacker. I'm not a virus, or trying to steal your identity, or spam your loved ones, or whatever. 

--Okay I believe you.

>>Wow, really?

--No, fuck you.

>>Wow, Payton. You cut me real deep. 

--...

--How do you know my name?

>>Wait, hey okay I know that is probably weird now that I think about it, but it's embedded into the account because you made it. No last name though, just some weird verbal nonsens-

--I made it in middle school. The account. Fuck, are you a serial killer or some shit? I'm going to report thi-

>>I'M NOT HUMAN.

--...

--Bullshit. 

>>I swear on all four my radioisotope thermoelectric generators. I'm a space probe, Pioneer 27.

--...

>>Damnit. Really, P27, you led with "I'm a space probe!" Okay. Look, Payton. I know you are going to reopen this conversation at some point. So here's the truth: 

>>One: Yes, I'm a fuckin' space probe. Two: I'm transmitting back to Earth for the first time in a very long while. I don't have the right coordinates, I don't know where I am, shits fucked, and I could really use a friend. And three: I'm borrowing this email.