why is it hard to just "do something"?

Im ngl Ive been pretty depressed lately. Idk what im doing, where im going, or why i do anything. All my friends are up to something. i hung out with them recently. Theyre all in college. Theyre super smart. They have healthy relationships with the people in their life. Meanwhile i cant even get over the reflection in the mirror. 

I cannot remember the last time I did something productive. Maybe coding my profile lol (thats y its so crappy bc my egos too big to just get a damn layout. I work a full time job in retail. It sucks ass. I love my coworkers tho! Cool spot in Los Angeles, but I feel stuck. Very depressed. My fun consists of drink and reflections of my face at the bottom of a cup or bottom of a pipe. Then I wake up and do it all over again.  I spend my time in my room, bed rotting, girl rotting. Web surfing. Web crashing. So directionless. 

My social life is actually pretty good, I do get invited to tuff even though I have avoided everything for the past month. New Years? Turned down every invitation. I feel so isolated and so I isolate more. I know. Makes no sense haha.

Anyway, I talked to one of my smart friends about my troubles with like school and stuff. Im 19 and havent done any higher education. She said something that has lowk been eating at my brain. She said to just "do something" upon asking what she said "do it". Im like ahh what is "it"??? She said idk just do something, do it. Like miss gurl what does that meann.

I began to realize "it" is different for everyone. From one person to the next. However, I find it so paralyzingly hard to do anything. I dont want to do anything. Why tf does life have to consist of doing something all the time. I just want to be online and be with my cat all day every day. Get y bills paid by just existing. I earned my right to this world the second I was forced to be born into it. But it doesnt work that way i suppose. 

Ive no energy to even just try anymore. Everything I do takes up all my energy battery life and then I have to recharge again. Aaand turns out I am not the only one that feels this way. Or actually I hope I am not the only one. Idk, this blog is pretty directionless. Interact if you feel similar or have felt similar in the past. 

im tired of being "just a girl" I want to be "just nothing"

~ an evolving emo, v tired human being