Me and my bf

Sometimes I wanna write a lot about my boyfriend but don't know where to do it :'(

Plus this'll be a way of like vent but not vent like ifykyk 

I'll sometimes be sad and a lot of the times happy really X''3

Also cuz' I'm not that active in uhhhhhhhhhhhh my thingy of myspace ,alas today;

Today I felt zooo alive when I saw a text from him, yesterday late at night I made him a little comic along with a poem about how I love him a lot even if he only says ' hi ' ,All I think about is him from that point on X//3

IM LIKE ZOMGGGGG I lava him :'33 cuzzzzzzz he doesn't text me a lot maybe cuz' he busyyy but idc cz only 1 text from him and I'll be good for the rest of the day <3

Thooo Im rlly skeptical well, a bit cuz he spends a lot of his time with friends and it's been months since we've called or played together, don't get me on a wrong take I respect that he has his family, time with friends and bla bla bla 

But since his cousin started a gc with a guy that I'm suspicious about ( I sense that he STILL likes my bf ) and tbh since that point he hasn't been as energetic as before and I'm worried because that guy insists on being friends with him when I gave him more than 1 opportunity and I feel terrible that even so the guy is like depressed and stuff but like 

I cannot do anything because my bf is afraid of him and Idk what to do because I know DAMN well that I treated the guy like shit because he was been agressive about my boyfriend and like his cousin sees him very like ' aww poor guy ' and im like ' Ummmmm ermmmmmmm...no. ' cuz of the exact reason that I dont forgive and forget and now I dont know if I'm being toxic or paranoic or something else in between because the time I spend thinking about my boyfriend is obsessive like if he doesn't say hi to me 1 day I'll be like ' is he ok ? ' , ' maybe he is hurt ' and my anxiety brain just rambles until I see a text from him

I think my bf might be losing trust or smth in me because every time I wanna play with him he forgets ( i asume ) and plays another thing and I get sad and I know he can do wahteva he want but i just wanna play with him at least once 

( I just realized how gay I am ong X'D butt wat i cannn dooooo )

What can I do? :'(((