dear diary #2

Srry for bad formatting, doing this on my phone & cant be assed

today was probably one of the least eventful days of this winter break, yet i’ve never felt better. I went to bed at midnight, slept till 2pm, then spent the following hours drowning in sorrow. For the first time, i genuinely contemplated suicide. I knew this was bad, so i talked to my best friend about it, and since shes the best ever friend i dont deserve, she actually helped me a lot. i didnt even feel guilty talking to her about it, how selfish of me. Anyway, my mom noticed that i had been crying, and tried to make me feel better. And like the asshole that i am, i just pushed her away. But she did run me a hot bath which was nice, it made me feel a lot better. I dont remember what happened after, i do know i made myself a cup of coffee, and then sometime later i hopped on dbd with my friend. I had a really nice time, and for the first time in a long time, i started living. i had been playing dbd regularly for the past year, but i got lost somewhere along the way, probably because of the autopilot. Thats actually funny, one of the key things that made me even realize the existence of this autopilot was how progressively worse ive gotten in this game. I mean, i used to be SO good at dbd, what happened?  as i said, i got lost in the fog and lost all my skills. Im really bad at this game now, but i still enjoy it. Ive also been getting back to my old self, both in-game and irl today. im really happy about that, i will give life another shot. Thats all today, methinks