mind.

i wish i could put words on what i think right now. i overthink so much every night but i can't find my words when i actually want to write about it. 

i used to write a lot at the time but i lost the ability, the passion (?) to do it. i don't know, it feels like a waste of time in the end. speaking about time; it scares me. time passes and i can't process it, i can't process the fact that i'm almost 21 years old. i don't know how to live and by the time i'll figure it out, i'm afraid it will be too late. 

a part of me wants to end everything, to reset my whole existence but at the same time, i don't want to lose my consciousness, all the things i know. why are we building a whole life to lose it at the end? i don't accept it. 

why am i fighting to be someone? does it really matter?