Truly a waste of space — 3/1/2024

First blog of the year!! Happy new year!! Not rlly a happy one for me tho

I'm once again in a major depressive episode,, this time I've not been able to eat properly for days. I just don't have the appetite. I also seem to lose touch with reality - constantly dissociating and thinking I have no purpose in life.

There's rlly no reason for me to move on with life. I don't have big aspirations outside of art,, I'm not even motivated to do art anymore. So why should I live if everything is worthless now?? 

Today, I refused to go to school (like always) n my brother was upset abt that, saying I'm "a waste of space" as he went out of my room. I've always had the feeling that everyone's dissapointed in me n seeing my own brother openly express that just hurts me.

Anyways, I listen to some depressing music (starting listening to Panchiko n Lamp) n became even more depressed so I tried to sleep it off but it was hard to sleep for a while bc my leg was still twitchy from my meds.

Woke up and I'm still depressed but I'm coping by crocheting. Not a big help but at least I'm not thinking of killing myself.