Blog Entry 02/01/24

So already a new year and I guess as people often say, a new me, unless I actually am not sure if this new me wants to say a new me, it feels deeply cheap to use that in any meaningful way or perspective, as salty food without flavor other than salt or hair dye without the face of someone in the cover. It's just color, it's just taste, that's why I don't want to say. It's a new me this year, because it'll be a different me, not a new me, new me would mean for worse, as if I really had no personality but my aspirations or the little ones of them that are to get finally, after these two years, 3 months, and 11 days, I think I'll be clean in my consciousness that, my case, this recalcitrant and unnerving suing, will go to an end, finally, it'll be gone after 500k, it's a lot, but. I can't take revenge on my sister, she's the blood of my blood, literally, we share relatives by the dozen, she didn't had a good life and that's not an excuse for what she did and does, I don't support her and what she is going about now. 

 Some time ago, more than 2 or 3 years ago, I helped her on a good amount of things, I did gave her the grades to not fail by the pointing at university, I did her math, coding, english and literature works and I helped her by ratting out answers on the exams, because at the end of the day, even if she made my sanity go downhill drastically enough that I felt like I was actually show an emotion to the world in the form of a tear, when she spammed about me being a dirtbag on every social media, even to my deepest and closest friends, so on that my whole city knows about that afro guy who apparently likes to do crimes and flee to Spain. Even after all the times she tried to punt me and sent threats to me and my family full of hate and taking advantage of her daughter pain to get revenge out of my mother, even if she negated my life for long in most countries and works options because my resume now shows 3 charges, and not friendly ones. I love her, she will forever be my sister, I can't hate my sister for what she did, I just can't. 

 Another thing this year is going to bring to me is the chance, the opportunity to actually get my drivers license, because knowing how to drive is not enough without a license and I don't want to drive if it's not manual, I like cars that roar and purr like cats, I like the boxy designs and I dream of a Renault 3 on pale yellow paint and nice brown leather sits. But it is quite not a necessity, I will only have it because I am worried about my father and my mother, both of them, I fear the day something happens to them and I can't get there quickly enough, I really do, as the saying goes "When I got there my father was still alive and the chicken still warm" 

 Past that, I can't wait much more for what I want to accomplish, everything is going relatively smooth, past that, tonight I have my game going again after christmas day, and my psychologist appointment too. What a packed day tuesdays are...