My Story.

So, I've decided that I'm going to start blogging more about my walk with Christ. I really wanna do this, not only for my benefit, but also in the hopes that maybe sharing my story and what I learn along the way will inspire people and answer some questions.

Well, if you guys didn't know, I'm from south Alabama. I'm a teenager (not going to disclose for privacy reasons lol.) Most could probably assume this, but growing up alternative, listening to different music, or even just different in general makes things hard in the Bible belt.

As a little kid, I went to church with my grandparents often but was mainly there for the music and snacks XD. I never felt super called to God as a kid. All throughout elementary school, I wore rainbows, cats, unicorns, and narwhales everyday. However, I wore a rainbow sweater one day in the 4th grade and got harassed about being gay, I didn't even know what that meant, and after that I never wore anything like that again. Once I grew up and realized that I could look however I wanted to look and no one could do anything about it, I went extreme. I mean I went from super long dirty blonde hair to a platinum pixie cut. Here's some things that described how I looked and acted back then: atheist, witch, cringe, "woke," upside down crosses. It was just a big change. I changed my name several times because I thought that born in the wrong body. I wanted to bind my chest and go on hormone blockers. I started to despise any kind of religion that wasn't some kind of satanism. I realized that the only reason I despised these people so much was because the "woke" communities that I was involved in told me that they were nothing but narcissistic bigots who were transphobic, homophobic, and racist. I really thought that I was doing society a favor by thinking that way when in reality, I was only further adding to the hatred of the world. Then I joined band because it felt like the only place I fit in. I didn't really have any friends before that because I got bullied so much, and the ones I did have were embarrassed by me.

(TW - de@th threats)

I was in band for 5 years. I loved it so much, I was first chair for 4 of the five and everyone thought I was gonna be some sort of prodigy but after things started to get worse at school with the bulling and de@th threats, and overall I was just mentally and physically drained. Soooo, I quit and everyone was so mad. I felt like a failure all the time. I realized that nothing earthly made me happy. Nobody on this earth, no drug on this earth or amount of SH would fill the void in my heart. I knew that always. I never wanted to fully give myself to Jesus because I thought that I would never have as much fun as the rest of my high school friends.

I started going to church in 2022 (I think) and got saved last year at beach retreat. I got baptized on Aug. 13. I thought that getting saved and baptized was the hard part and that the rest of my faith was going to be easy. Boy was I wrong. I stopped going to church, stopped praying because it felt like God wasn't speaking to me anymore. I drifted back into my old life and then everything changed.

My step brother's dad died. He's only 7 and I treat him as if he was my own blood. At first I was stunned and I couldn't be there with him so it made that uneasy feeling so much worse. He's such a sensitive little guy and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be mad at God, but I remembered that He has a plan for everything. From that day on, I decided that I was really going to try to be there not only for him but for my whole family because your not always promised tomorrow. I vowed from that day on to always be there for him and to be the best big sister I can. To do that, all I could do was pray because I had no idea how, but I was determined.

I could go on for forever about every little event but just know that I'm still learning and that's okay. The most important thing is that, I am ALL in for Jesus. I know that He is there for me always, even when I cant see the light of the tunnel, He can. Whenever He saved me, He knew that I wasn't perfect. He sees the mistakes that I'm gonna make in the future before I do. As long as I lean on him throughout those mistakes, He is with me. 

God gave you the gift of free will.

God can't make you follow him. He can tug at your heart and try to open the door to him, but the more you shut him out, the harder it is to let him back in.