i cant

i cant do this. 

i have no one to be an anchor for me. 

"but don't you have ___?" yeah but he hides me from everyone he knows.

He doesn't post about me. he just, keeps me a secret.

i dont know what im doing wrong.

and the worst feeling is

im probably never going to know or be friends with anyone else.

i dont have anyone.

im so scared to tell him how im feeling because it could just make things worse. 

i dont know.

its all my fault and i dont even know what im doing.