scenes, music communities, and a sense of belonging

ive been making music since i was 15, and in that time i have grown and developed as an artist and a creative to the point i can make stuff i'd consider passable, if not sometimes actually pretty good. throughout that time i've talked to several different musicians involved in several different communities and a range of different genres over the internet. it's always felt really disparate though, several different atomized bubbles i have my toes cautiously dipped into. i have some people who make music i'd consider close friends and have made music with, but it's always felt really disparate. im primarily an autonomous operation and i hate it. i want to get signed to a Small Niche Indie Netlabel. i hate promoting my music, it always feel a little bit gross when i do and im not entirely sure what sort of avenues i have to take for that.. the most i do nowadays i post a list on rym, announce it in my discord server with like 40 people, and make a couple skeets about it on bluesky. i always feel a little icky about it. having someone able to do that for me would be great.   on top of that, im socially incompetent. i live next to new york city which supposedly is this fucking epicenter for the arts or whatever and i dont know the first thing about actually getting involved in scenes or meeting people or anything of the sort, not to mention i dont really have the funds to be able to go to new york often (9 bucks for a round trip, shit adds up QUICKLY). ive spent too long sheltered, or something. i want to get a band i can play live with. shit, i'd just be happy to play live AT ALL. the most live experience i have is high school talent shows and a private show in front of 6 people who are acquaintances of my dad down in brazil. that and, random livestreams and discord calls.  it's not really that fun for me. i love the idea of performing live i loved those talent shows i love an audience i love being able to interact and play with them. i love playing with other musicians but nobody really gets what i try to do or are doing completely different things that dont really mash well and i dont know how to find people im compatible with in that sense. it's all jazz and band kids and like one or two guys who are way into boomer rock in my immediate vicinity. none of it really works. i know there's a whole world out there but i dont know how to get into it and that really annoys me.  i dont know how to figure it out either.  i hate having a social disorder   i also dont have a conclusion to this one. help