the christmas party!!

today ended up being good, mostly!!! i started off the day almost crying because i was having such self deprecating negative voices telling me how worthless and pointless i am, but i tried my HARDEST to ignore it… and i ended up doing it successfully once i went to the party!!! 

it was real fun. i even got to see old friends i haven’t seen in so long due to them going to college before me!!! we played lots of christmas themed games and had yummy food. i found something to make and bring to the potluck, so things ended up good :) 

on the way home, the moon looked GINORMOUS, orange, and oblong! it looked melty!!! it was so cool!

one bad thing though… once i went home, i left the car without saying anything cuz my throat hurt and i wanted to let it calm down. i’ve done this countless times in my life so i figured all would be normal… no… my mom got mad i didn’t talk. she also got mad because i was short talking this morning, but that was because of my throat + the bad voices. my mom comes up and gives me The Talk. it’s the same exact talk she’s given me since 7th grade, ever since i started revealing non-normal person problems. in these talks she always says i’m cold, quick talking, mean, don’t make eye contact, talk monotone… she says i’m changing and i never used to be like this. but i don’t agree because we have had this talk since seventh grade. it hurts because even when i try to be on my best behavior i receive this talk. no matter what i do, i feel worthless. whatever. i shouldn’t focus on it rn so the bad thoughts don’t come back…

i cried and talked to my boyfriend asking him what on earth am i doing wrong, and he helped me through and made me feel a lot better. I FINALLY GET TO SEE HIM TOMORROW! :DDD IM SOSOSOSOSOSOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!