i miss him :c

we were together for almost a year and he threw it away bc of self sabotage, but once he realized he could actually lose me he starts asking for me back?? and now when i'm trying to work things out with him he's acting all cold and saying he doesn't know what he wants to do and it's like how are you going to leave me when i haven't done anything wrong and then expect me to pick up the pieces? it's just unfair. i don't know what he wants from me. he won't tell me. now he's doing things and saying things to deliberately hurt me. i know i don't need to put up with it but i genuinely saw a life with him. we had only 3 weeks to a year and before then we literally had no issues. i don't get it. he's right there but he's not at the same time. he's gone. he's not himself anymore. not to me at least. we played games while he was high and things seemed like they were going back to normal, only for me saying "i had fun last night" to be met with "i dont remember anything i was too high". i miss him. i miss my boyfriend. 

i'm saying this here because i've annoyed my friends enough. i know i'm only 16 and have many years ahead of me, and i'll be honest i already have people asking me out, but i don't want them. i want him. just him.