12/27/23

i used to force myself to forget

and now im stuck trying to remember

its starting to taste like starvation and bleeding again

dont make me do it all again

ive already went through the game once

let me quit this time

i have the suicide hotline listed as my emergency contact (just below your number)

its our ten month anniversary since we spilt ways

but i know ive seen you behind my back

lying to myself gives me comfort

and so does tracing my skin with your edge

i dont know what im doing wrong

when all i have left is the ghost of your cologne

why do i feel like

its all my fault

i need to let my feelings out

but the wall youve built for me is reinforced steel

my scissors cant break me out this time

stronger measures must be made

i dedicated those songs to you

but now i cant watch them without your ghost

mtv knows just what i need

when im searching through our texts again

each time i turn around the words prick me again

i cant escape what needs said

ive forgotten the words

but they didnt forget me

ive distanced myself from everyone

but your ghost keeps knocking on my door

the pit in my stomach is full of seeds

with no water to sprout them

throats are hollow to fit the vines

crawl up your neck and prick veins

blood is like a fountain

if the water pressure is high

He wrote them in the search bar

to insure they wouldn't be left behind

because forgetting the melodies

leads to forgetting yourself 

I've done everything right but the blame's still mine

shying away from ownership is impossible

if the documents have your name written on the lines

forging my signature proved to be helpful

the errors give it more character

excuses can cover introverted lies

truths are better at hide and seek

than you seem to portray

he doesnt know if the words are right

but she's there to hold his hand

all mistakes will pass

the wind blows them away

i see her name illuminate my iris

my teeth love to taste them

but my eyes beg to differ

ignore them again

and focus on the smaller details

it's digging into ribs

and scratching at the scars

reminds of something silver

but something more alive

the cold is buried deep in my bone marrow

but the furnace is burning

lips icy cold

but veins burning hot

i dont deserve you 

my secetences are too long

to fit my melody

but i cant tell you the full story

if the narrator lacks a voice

dont cry over spilled milk

when you left it out to spoil anyway

you saw the problems coming

but you opted to play it out

the red lights are green in your blue eyes (i never forgot the color)

i dont want to fall back on you

but i already see into the future of us

i tried to participate

but i cant look at myself long enough

to face the mirror head on

leave me at home

his hands shkae too miuch to type out the worsd

but the meessage needs to get acrossed

thaty ignoring and unavaliblity are 

two different circumstancesd

goosebumps paint my skin

as if im outside your door

but my scenery isnt recognizable

but your voice is