Dad keeps reaching out ocassionally idrk how I feel abt it

My dad texted me "merry Christmas" today. I don't actually have his number saved so I was confused asf for a minute but then I checked my mom's phone to see if it was a match. I guessed it was probably him since this happens every once in a while like when he told me he was moving to New York or when he told me he was going to therapy. I haven't properly spoken to him since like 8th grade. Idk I don't really feel like I necessarily "hate" him anymore I'm kinda over it atp. I definitely still am majorly fucked in the head and there's definitely a lot of aspects of it that were casued by him but like it's been so long since I cut contact that I don't really care anymore. That said tho I still don't feel any inclination to speak to him again regardless. I never really felt like I missed him or wanted him back. I've felt before like I wished that I had the chance to have a healthy relationship with a father figure in general but I've never desired him to be that father figure. It's more so like a feeling of grief that I did not and now never will have that kind of experience in childhood. I don't really feel like it's possible for me to just replace that experience after I've grown, I know that's appealing to some people but the developmental years were when it was important to me and even if I saw someone as a father figure now I'm not the age where it matters. Found family for me is much more in my friendships rather than actually seeing someone as a family-like figure so I just kinda deal with never having that kind of relationship ig. Part of me is curious about how he's doing now that he's in therapy tho. I wanna know if he REALLY got better like he always said he would but never did. I wanna know what he's discovered about his mental state because I'm highly suspicious I got some of my mental conditions from him but I can't possibly know for sure what's going on in his head. If he did get diagnosed with something and I was told what it was it would probably help me a lot when I do psychiatric programs cuz family health history is really important to that stuff and I never have anything to say about him or his family cuz I never knew them. All I got is my mom's side which is why my psychs are always trying to insist I have GAD cuz it runs on that side but I am 100% that I do NOT have GAD (yet at least). Still tho, as much as I'd love to know all this I really don't want to open up the idea that we'll form a realtionship again cuz that just sounds really tiring. Being with him was always really tiring, like ignoring that he was fucking abusive, I also just don't like doing what he likes doing. Everything always felt like a performance with him like he was trying to be a stereotypically "happy family" so it HAD to be perfect and he would NEVER compromise even if some of us didn't enjoy the activities he had provided. He was very strict about what was and wasn't quality time and he refused to belive that his opinion wasn't objective. Istg if I let him back in he'd probably make my ass go fucking hiking again I HATE HIKING! He's lliterally one of those "you whipper snappers spend all your time on screens" dads and he doesn't bellieve online socializing is real socializing. Meanwhile, I've always been super into gaming and I've always had more success with online friends than irl friends. He also never winds the fuck down like he can't wrap his head around simply enjoying someone's presence. To me, quality time can be going out and doing stuff together but it can also be sitting together in the same room doing two comepletely different things and not talking to each other. I don't have the energy to do stuff ALL the time. I know he always meant well about it but my fucking god he was the number one cause of my severe masking problem like he has his own little status quo and if you step outside of it the punishment is death. And honestly I think that idea in his head is hypocrisy because I am so 100% certain that he is NOT neurotypical he's just got some major internalized ableism going on. He never talks about his feelings so I can't say with certainty what he may or may not have but that man's mind is not conventional. He always had a problem with masking major issues with insecurity, most people couldn't tell but I know he didn't like himself very much. Most people also couldn't tell that he has massive social anxiety but it's very apparent to me even tho I'm not sure of his reasoning. Idk if it's literally just social anxiety since that is it's own diagnosis, or if perhaps he's also autistic which would make sense since it's genetic. Idk maybe the reason I'm so interested is cuz I'm always looking to explain everything. It feels like a look into his mind is also a look into my mind since the reason I'm so fucked up is because he's so fucked up and he engrained a lot of his psychology into me. Whatever it is I probably just shouldn't respond.