What can I expect from her?

I hate my mom, I know it sounds bad on my part but I don't care since it was her fault that I hated her.

He was never there for me and he won't be, he doesn't even care how I'm alone, he seems to be. 

hen I was little she left me with my dad so she could go with another man, she left me and my dad alone and she went with my older brother, just for money, I didn't know much about her, not even my dad told me what happened, but recently my grandmother told me what happened.

he day she left my father and me it was in the early morning and when my father woke up to go to work he no longer saw her and since I was 1 year old he left me in charge of my grandmother until the night she chose to work so that he could explain to her what happened and so it was almost more than a year without hearing from her and then more things happened like their divorce, The mistreatment of the man with whom she was unfaithful to my father, etc. 

But I didn't know anything about that or why I didn't have a mother, I didn't know about her until I was 5 years old when my dad told me he would see her, that day I was excited to see her and get to know her as such. But it wasn't even that day, it was the next day and so she always failed to do the slightest thing. At school events she never used many excuses like "there's a lot of traffic." "I don't have time" "it's far away" (She lived 30 minutes from my house) 

She was never present in my life, she was only present when she wanted to appear to be an exemplary mother by inviting me to her family and friends event.

 I hate that she wants to manipulate me by buying me things or pretending to support me when she never congratulates me on my birthday, she doesn't wish me a happy Christmas or New Year, she isn't there when I need her. 

I always envied my younger sister and my friends because they always had a mother present and someone to trust in exchange for me, she was never present nor did she support me, she only does it on rare occasions. And I really have few memories with her being happy, I feel strange when she wants to show me affection like a simple hug but it's different with my dad I trust you more and he always She has been there for me just like my grandmother and my aunt who have covered a little of that lack of her. 

 I have more things to talk about her but I just wanted to say that I don't even expect anything from her in the slightest.  My friends have told me that it's not even worth it for me to tell mom that she doesn't deserve it, but I still feel a little affection for her, I don't know if I hate her or love her. Up to this point I identify with the song mama by mcr and with mama's boy by Dominic fike

https://open.spotify.com/track/0b6xZk9f96N77BfmYWnQNC?si=q52QbDhFQmuS-Al1SkXc4g

https://open.spotify.com/track/0Zh3tKIphLOvQux4dA6PFZ?si=aTEnnVMPTFCYAzfI6m1uXg&context=spotify%3Atrack%3A0Zh3tKIphLOvQux4dA6PFZ