Entry 3

Merry Christmas Eve to all that celebrate!! Kind of rough day today. Not feeling very christmas-y this year due to me and my dad not having the funds to decorate or anything like that. This is also the first christmas I've had since I was around 5 without my mom- So everything feels off. I'm still going to make my dad a card and what not even though I'm upset I can't buy him anything at the moment.. I had plans to buy him some things off Ebay but money didn't come through in time. I don't want to only look at the negative though, there's plenty to be happy about right now. I'm in a stable environment for the first time in years with a parent who makes me feel safe and loved. That in itself is a gift. I haven't had the privilege of living in this kind of situation really ever. I love and appreciate my dad so much for everything he's done to better my life. I want to get him a gift as soon as I'm able to, just to show I care. Of course I hope my card gets that across but really my dad deserves the world. 

Sorry for the sap .. anyway. My Day. It was very draining today. For whatever reason I've been really anxious and just kind of tired. Nothing I do feels right at all and it makes the days feel uncomfortable and long. I think it's cause my routine has been disrupted more then usual so now I feel off. Hopefully this changes soon cause man I hate feeling like this. Today was shopping day so we had to face the grocery store in all it's Christmas Eve Madness. Everyone was doing entirely too much and the unspoken rules of the store had been thrown away it seems. Aside from people being rude and often inconsiderate, me and my dad were able to get everything we needed! Plus some extra food! Which is great because we usually aren't able to. A very kind person on Instagram lent me 20 dollars 2 days ago so that was a great help.. It's nice when shopping doesn't feel like a hopeless endeavor. What really drained me about the store was how loud it was. I had a raging headache pretty much alllllllll day. 

Some other highlights of the day; I called my little sister and played Roblox with her for around half an hour. She was being very kind to me today which she usually is not. I apricated it a lot. Sometimes I feel guilty that me and her don't connect more like me and my brother. I've chalked it up to her not understanding me due to my autistic traits. It's nice when we have close moments and I would like to have them more often, even if I do find her a little overwhelming. I also called my mom today but for a much shorter time. I'm probably not going to see her until Thursday I think she said. Which is mildly annoying for me. I hate when plans suddenly change, but I know it isn't her fault. Due to plans changing, I'm going to be able to see my therapist this week so that's pretty great!! 

I kinda overate today so I won't share what I had besides the fact I ate this new s'mores ice cream that was absolutely delicious but it made me throw up. I will never learn my lesson with dairy products....

Today I am thankful for the song 'This Hyper World' by Lemon Demon, and also my sister :-)

That's all for today, more tomorrow!