saltburn review (spoiler free + with spoilers version)

review time yayy. i was anticipating this movie so much ever since i saw that stuff about barry and jacob being kinda...you know (all in good fun btw i have no thoughts about rpf other than I DON'T CARE LOL also actors are inherently peculiar people i think it's time we acknowledge this).

i have not seen other stuff by Emerald but going by what other people are saying, she's just another rich kid who wants to appear alternative and sooo strange and fucked up but is just a normie. This is just what I have heard, not my thoughts. I honestly have no opinion on her other than i like her directing more than her writing.

Saltburn was SO fun if you want to be into fucked up stuff, but if you're fr into fucked up things, this movie is extremely tame. It's kinky in the most normie way possible, but deals with a very troubled protagonist that was very interesting to follow. The actors are AMAZING of course, Barry Keoghan leads the movie with the power and grit of a superstar, Jacob Elordi brings a gorgeous, tragic vibe worthy of a Shakespearean legend, and of course Rosamund Pike is so fucking beautiful and funny I couldn't breathe during her scenes goddd.

Like. Listen. It was fun! Sort of empty but fun and really, really amazing photography. It's sort of like looking at a very pretty picture that focuses more on composition rather than trying to say something. Which in my opinion is totally ok, not everything needs to have a life changing message. Some movies are just about weird people doing fucked up shit that makes you giggle.

I gave it a 3/5 on letterboxd after watching but now it feels like maybe a 3.5/5?? but for sure nothing higher. Liked it! Period.

NOW SPOILERS AHEAD CUS I WANNA COMMENT ON SOME SPECIFIC SCENES!!!!!! DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED!!!

ok. first off. bathtub scene. That was what drew me in. I read about that interview where Jacob said he was proud to see Barry GUZZLING his cum and then Barry saying Jacob doesn't answer his messages lmaooo it was so funny i just needed to watch it. Plus... cum guzzling off a bathtub. And he really did guzzle. He slurped up that dirty ass bath water down the drain ugh. King shit.

The period head was hot af good for venetia honestly like good for her. We need more period sex representation in media, it's hot for everyone and blood is sexy af i will take no criticism.

Now... grave fucking. Come on. Like yeah when he started to take off the shirt I was like "is he... going to..." and then he did, and it was great!!! I expected nothing less and i can't stand people who are like "yeah ok he fucked the grave ofc he did whatever" like YEAH why do you have to be such a cynic of course he fucked it and i wanted him to get the corpse and fuck it as well, and maybe Emerald thought about it too! A lot of people say that everything was for shock value but like, no, it made sense. Oliver is obsessive and everything he does is something you'd expect based on how the character was built. I do think the writing was lacking but what we got made perfect sense.

Anyway... fun! The thing is that this guy fucked the entire family and everyone was dead whereas if he had just AT LEAST make out with Felix just once, literally nothing would have happened LMAOOO when you're so psychosexually obsessed with yout bestie you have to lie and cheat your way into his family, kill everyone and take the family estate to live there so you live inside him forever. Also I do think he loved him, he was in love with him, and the plan to kill the family was not there since the beginning. He had a crush on Felix and then found himself lost in his web of lies so he had to survive, therefore doing everything he did. But he DID LOVE FELIX!!! Ok whatever.

I liked it! It was fun and I recommend it and Jacob is so pretty I could die (everyone is so pretty I could die whew). Happy Christmas Eve mwah!