Venting #1

Hey guys, feeling kinda sad rn. My music makes me feel better and worse at the same time! I don't really have a reason to be sad I just feel like it's been bottled up all these years and my fuse gets shorter and shorter. I've been really angry at the world, life, and most of the people I meet. I have a lot of hatred and I want it gone, but I have to accept myself and realize that it's a part of me. I make people pissed off and not like me, I make people feel hurt or sad for entertainment sometimes. I piss people off to get off a good laugh or chuckle, but that's not very nice. I feel like the people around me aren't my friends or my friend group, they're just people I follow around like a dog trying to find it's owner. Sometimes I just hate life and don't wanna wake up in the morning but hey, thats just how it is! Right? Just hey everyone get a good laugh out of other's suffering!! XDDDDDD I don't feel good rn. my stomach hurts, my head hurts, I weigh more than most of the people in my school and I get remarks about it all the time. My friends make remarks that we all laugh to and that's okay. Sometimes it's just something that really cracks me, whenever people just decide to disregard my feelings for a laugh. I embrace the bullying I take because I can't dish anything back. I'm too stupid to think of anything, the only way I have an escape is through silly video games and videos online. My best friends are people I've met online because everyone around me is an asshole. A friend I have got mad at me again for grilling him how I always do, it's not my fault this time though. Me and my friends laugh at each other and make remarks all the time, one time I punched my friend Sean in the balls in front of his dad and his dad laughed. It was all good times, but Asher just gets mad at me when I poke a little fun at him! Sean just dishes it back, I'll say "yeah okay buddy" and he'll be like "shut up That one guy you know you're built like the moon. We'll both laugh at that! That's just what we do, we all make fun of each other and that's what we do for fun! we don't really associate with Asher because all he does is make racist or nazi jokes, he'll borderline say the n word quoting peter griffin "you stupid n**-" or point his hand into a nazi salute, no one really laughs but sometimes it's funny. Vent over, I have nothing else to really say other than have a good day, happy holidays, a good life, a good evening, a good meal, a good rest, a good whatever you are doing or planning on doing. I love all of you guys, my friends are the people who make me feel safe or protected because that's exactly what you guys do! You guys protect your friends because only you can called your buddy a dumbass. I love all of you guys, for real you guys are awesome. :)