I hate everything

I hate how my mom always gets mad at the smallest things.

I hate how my mom can't keep promises.

I hate the kids at school that are mean to me.

I hate my mom's boyfriend that acts like he's my dad.

I hate myself bc I'm so ugly and disgusting.

I hate my thoughts they are disgustingly horrifying and I should have been in the mental hospital for longer I'm so horrible in every aspect. I'm a pathological liar and I lie about the stupidest things and I don't even know why I do it. I hate that when I cut myself I don't feel sad I feel happy that I did it I like watching the blood drip off my wrist. I don't wash my body properly and I smell disgusting even tho I take showers every night. I don't have any other underwear besides the ones in wearing and they are bleached to hell and back. I hate how I think. I'll be watching a video about horrible people and I feel like I relate to them. I'm hypersexual and I can't go a single day without looking at something sexual or doing something sexual. I love attention but I hate it at the same time, good attention or bad attention. I would genuinely kill someone over the person I am in love with. I would stalk them. I've had thoughts of killing people before. I've planned to kill someone before but that doesn't mean I actually want to kill someone. I can't control myself. I can't control my emotions or thoughts. I see things. I see the worst possible things and I can't stand it. I want to disappear but I love my mom but she doesn't love me the way I love her the way that I want her to love me. I defend her no matter what. I love her no matter what. I may have said that I hate her but I don't. I hate that whenever I am being myself I scare others away. 

This is the only place I feel like I can vent without scaring my friends away. I might scare some of you on spacehey away but I'm sorry. I'm not bad, I swear, I'm just not okay, I love friends, I'll try to not be weird around you or while talking to you.